sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第13部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


e　deep　leather　couch　and　made　love　to　her。　That　evening；　Toby　moved　in　with　Alice　Tanner。　
　In　bed　that　night；　Toby　found　that　Alice　Tanner　was　a　pitifully　lonely　woman；　desperate　for　someone　to　talk　to；　someone　to　love。　She　had　been　born　in　Boston。　Her　father　was　a　wealthy　manufacturer　who　had　given　her　a　large　allowance　and　paid　no　further　attention　to　her。　Alice　had　loved　the　theater　and　had　studied　to　be　an　actress；　but　in　college　she　had　contracted　polio　and　that　had　put　an　end　to　her　dream。　She　told　Toby　how　it　had　affected　her　life。　The　boy　she　was　engaged　to　had　jilted　her　when　he　learned　the　news。　Alice　had　left　home　and　married　a　psychiatrist；　who　mitted　suicide　six　months　later。　
　It　was　as　though　all　her　emotions　had　been　bottled　up　inside　her。　Now　they　poured　out　in　a　violent　eruption　that　left　her　feeling　drained　and　peaceful　and　marvelously　content。　Toby　made　love　to　Alice　until　she　almost　fainted　with　ecstasy；　filling　her　with　his　huge　penis　and　making　slow　circles　with　his　hips　until　he　seemed　to　be　touching　every　part　of　her　body。　She　moaned；　〃Oh；　darling；　I　love　you　so　much。　Oh；　God；　how　I　love　this！〃　
　But　when　it　came　to　school；　Toby　found　that　he　had　no　influence　with　Alice。　He　talked　to　her　about　putting　him　in　the　next　Showcase　play；　introducing　him　to　casting　directors；　speaking　to　important　studio　people　about　him；　but　she　was　firm。　
　〃You'll　hurt　yourself　if　you　push　too　fast；　darling。　Rule　one：　the　first　impression　you　make　is　the　most　important。　If　they　don't　like　you　the　first　time；　they'll　never　go　back　to　see　you　a　second　time。　You've　got　to　be　ready。〃　
　The　instant　the　words　were　out；　she　became　The　Enemy。　She　was　against　him。　Toby　swallowed　his　fury　and　forced　himself　to　smile　at　her。　
　〃Sure。　It's　just　that　I'm　impatient。　I　want　to　make　it　for　you　as　much　as　for　me。〃　
　〃Do　you？　Oh；　Toby；　I　love　you　so　much！〃　
　〃I　love　you；　too；　Alice。〃　And　he　smiled　into　her　adoring　eyes。　
　He　knew　he　had　to　circumvent　this　bitch　who　was　standing　in　the　way　of　what　he　wanted。　He　hated　her　and　he　punished　her。　When　they　went　to　bed；　he　made　her　do　things　she　had　never　done　before；　things　he　had　never　asked　a　whore　to　do；　using　her　mouth　and　her　fingers　and　her　tongue。　He　pushed　her　further　and　further；　forcing　her　into　a　series　of　humiliations。　And　each　time　he　got　her　to　do　something　more　degrading；　he　would　praise　her；　the　way　one　praises　a　dog　for　learning　a　new　trick；　and　she　would　be　happy　because　she　had　pleased　him。　And　the　more　he　degraded　her；　the　more　degraded　he　felt。　He　was　punishing　himself；　and　he　had　not　the　faintest　idea　why。　
　Toby　had　a　plan　in　mind；　and　his　chance　to　put　it　into　action　came　sooner　than　he　had　anticipated。　Alice　Tanner　announced　that　the　Workshop　class　was　going　to　put　on　a　private　show　for　the　advanced　classes　and　their　guests　on　the　following　Friday。　Each　student　could　choose　his　own　project。　Toby　prepared　a　monologue　and　rehearsed　it　over　and　over。　
　On　the　morning　of　the　show；　Toby　waited　until　class　was　over　and　walked　up　to　Karen；　the　fat　actress　who　had　sat　next　to　him　during　the　play。　
　〃Would　you　do　me　a　favor？〃　he　asked　casually。　　
　〃Sure；　Toby。〃　Her　voice　was　surprised　and　eager。　
　Toby　stepped　back　to　get　away　from　her　breath。
　〃I'm　gulling　a　gag　on　an　old　friend　of　mine。　I　want　you　to　telephone　Clifton　Lawrence's　secretary　and　tell　her　you're　Sam　Goldwyn's　secretary；　and　that　Mr。　Goldwyn　would　like　Mr。　Lawrence　to　e　to　the　show　tonight　to　see　a　brilliant　new　ic。　There'll　be　a　ticket　waiting　for　him　at　the　box　office。〃　
　Karen　stared　at　him。　〃Jesus；　old　lady　Tanner　would　have　my　head。　You　know　she　never　allows　outsiders　at　the　Workshop　shows。〃　
　〃Believe　me；　it'll　be　all　right。〃　He　took　her　arm　and　squeezed　it。　〃You　busy　this　afternoon？〃　
　She　swallowed；　her　breath　ing　a　little　faster。　〃Not　not　if　you'd　like　to　do　something。〃　
　〃I'd　like　to　do　something。〃　
　Three　hours　later；　an　ecstatic　Karen　made　the　phone　call。　
　
　The　auditorium　was　filled　with　actors　from　the　various　classes　and　their　guests；　but　the　only　person　Toby　had　eyes　for　was　the　man　who　sat　in　an　aisle　seat　in　the　third　row。　Toby　had　been　in　a　panic；　fearful　that　his　ruse　would　not　work。　Surely　a　man　as　clever　as　Clifton　Lawrence　would　see　through　the　trick。　But　he　had　not。　He　was　here。　
　A　boy　and　girl　were　on　stage　now；　doing　a　scene　from　The　Sea　Gull。　Toby　hoped　they　would　not　drive　Clifton　Lawrence　out　of　the　theater。　Finally；　the　scene　was　finished；　and　the　actors　took　their　bows　and　left　the　stage。　It　was　Toby's　turn。　Alice　suddenly　appeared　at　his　side　in　the　wings；　whispering；　
　〃Good　luck；　darling〃；　unaware　that　his　luck　was　silting　in　the　audience。　
　〃Thanks；　Alice。〃　
　Toby　breathed　a　silent　prayer；　straight　ened　his　shoulders；　bounced　out　on　stage　and　smiled　boyishly　at　the　audience。　
　〃Hello；　there。　I'm　Toby　Temple。　Hey；　did　you　ever　stop　to　think　about　names；　and　how　our　parents　choose　them？　It's　crazy。　I　asked　my　mother　why　she　named　me　Toby。　She　said　she　took　one　look　at　my　mug；　and　that　was　it。〃　His　look　was　what　got　the　laugh。　Toby　appeared　so　innocent　and　wistful；　standing　up　there　on　that　stage；　that　they　loved　him。　The　jokes　he　told　where　terrible；　but　somehow　that　did　not　matter。　He　was　so　vulnerable　that　they　wanted　to　protect　him；　and　they　did　it　with　their　applause　and　their　laughter。　It　was　like　a　gift　of　love　that　flowed　into　Toby；　filling　him　with　an　almost　unbearable　exhilaration。　He　was　Edward　G。　Robinson　and　Jimmy　Cagney；　and　Cagney　was　saying；　〃You　dirty　rat！　Who　do　you　think　you're　giving　orders　to？〃　And　Robinson's；　〃To　you；　you　punk。　I'm　Little　Caesar。　I'm　the　boss。　You're　nuthin'。　Do　you　know　what　that　means？〃　〃Yeah；　you　dirty　rat。　You're　the　boss　of　nuthin'。〃　A　roar。　The　audience　adored　Toby。　Bogart　was　there；　snarling；　〃I'd　spit　in　your　eye；　punk；　if　my　lip　wasn't　stuck　over　my　teeth。〃　And　the　audience　was　enchanted。　Toby　gave　them　his　Peter　Lorre。　〃I　saw　this　little　girl　in　her　room；　playing　with　it；　and　I　got　excited。　I　don't　know　what　came　over　me。　I　couldn't　help　myself。　I　crept　into　her　room；　and　I　pulled　the　rope　tighter　and　tighter；　and　I　broke　her　yoyo。〃　A　big　laugh。　He　was　rolling。　He　switched　over　to　Laurel　and　Hardy；　and　a　movement　in　the　audience　caught　his　eye　and　he　glanced　up。　Clifton　Lawrence　was　walking　out　of　the　theater。　The　rest　of　the　evening　was　a　blur　to　Toby。　
　When　the　show　was　over；　Alice　Tanner　came　up　to　Toby。　〃You　were　wonderful；　darling！　I。。。〃　
　He　could　not　bear　to　look　at　her；　to　have　anyone　look　at　him。　He　wanted　to　be　alone　with　his　misery；　to　try　to　cope　with　the　pain　that　was　tearing　him　apart。　His　world　had　collapsed　around　him。　He　had　had　his　chance；　and　he　had　failed。　Clifton　Lawrence　had　walked　out　on　him；　had　not　even　waited　for　him　to　finish。　Clifton　Lawrence　was　a　man　who　knew　talent；　a　professional　who　handled　the　best。　If　Lawrence　did　not　think　Toby　had　anything。。。　He　felt　sick　to　his　stomach。　
　〃I'm　going　for　a　walk；〃　he　said　to　Alice。　
　He　walked　down　Vine　Street　and　Gower；　past　Columbia　Pictures　and　RKO　and　Paramount。　All　the　gates　were　locked。　　
　He　walked　along　Hollywood　Boulevard　and　looked　up　at　the　huge　mocking　sign　on　the　hill　that　said；　〃hollywoodland〃。　There　was　no　Hollywoodland。　It　was　a　state　of　mind；　a　phony　dream　that　lured　thousands　of　otherwise　normal　people　into　the　insanity　of　trying　to　bee　a　star。　The　word　Hollywood　had　bee　a　loadstone　for　miracles；　a　trap　that　seduced　people　with　wonderful　promises；　siren　songs　of　dreams　fulfilled；　and　then　destroyed　them。　Toby　walked　the　streets　all　night　long；　wondering　what　he　was　going　to　do　with　his　life。　His　faith　in　himself　had　been　shattered　and　he　felt　rootless　and　adrift。　He　had　never　imagined　himself　doing　anything　other　than　entertaining　people；　and　if　he　could　not　do　that；　all　that　was　left　for　him　were　dull；　monotonous　jobs　where　he　would　be　caged　up　for　the　rest　of　his　life。　Mr。　Anonymous。　No　one　would　ever　know　who　he　was。　He　thought　of　the　long；　dreary　years；　the　bitter　loneliness　of　a　thousand　nameless　towns；　of　the　people　who　had　applauded　him　and　laughed　at　him　and　loved　him。　Toby　wept。　He　wept　for　the　past　and　for　the　future。　He　wept　because　he　was　dead。　
　It　was　dawn　when　Toby　returned　to