sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第7部分

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nd　Burns　and　the　Marx　Brothers；　and　dozens　more。　Vaudeville　was　a　haven；　a　steady　paycheck；　but　with　vaudeville　dead；　ics　had　to　turn　to　other　fields。　The　big　names　were　booked　for　radio　shows　and　personal　appearances；　and　they　also　played　the　important　nightclubs　around　the　country。　
　For　the　struggling　young　ics　like　Toby；　however；　it　was　another　story。　They　played　nightclubs；　too；　but　it　was　a　different　world。　It　was　called　the　Toilet　Circuit；　and　the　name　was　a　euphemism。　It　consisted　of　dirty　saloons　all　over　the　country　where　the　great　unwashed　public　gathered　to　guzzle　beer　and　belch　at　the　strippers　and　destroy　the　ics　for　sport。　The　dressing　rooms　were　stinking　toilets；　smelling　of　stale　food　and　spilled　drinks　and　urine　and　cheap　perfume　and；　overlaying　it　all；　the　rancid　odor　of　fear：　flop　sweat。　The　toilets　were　so　filthy　that　the　female　performers　squatted　over　the　dressing　room　sinks　to　urinate。　Payment　varied　from　an　indigestible　meal　to　five；　ten　or　sometimes　as　much　as　fifteen　dollars　a　night；　depending　on　the　audience　reaction。　Toby　Temple　played　them　all；　and　they　became　his　school。　The　names　of　the　towns　were　different；　but　the　places　were　all　the　same；　and　the　smells　were　the　same；　and　the　hostile　audiences　were　the　same。　If　they　did　not　like　a　performer；　they　threw　beer　bottles　at　him　and　heckled　him　throughout　his　performance　and　whistled　him　off。　It　was　a　tough　school；　but　it　was　a　good　one；　because　it　taught　Toby　all　the　tricks　of　survival。　He　learned　to　deal　with　drunken　tourists　and　sober　hoodlums；　and　never　to　confuse　the　two。　He　learned　how　to　spot　a　potential　heckler　and　quiet　him　by　asking　him　for　a　sip　of　his　drink　or　borrowing　his　napkin　to　mop　his　brow。　Toby　talked　himself　into　jobs　at　places　with　names　like　Lake　Kiamesha　and　Shawanga　Lodge　and　the　Avon。　He　played　Wildwood；　New　Jersey；　and　the　B'nai　B'rith　and　the　Sons　of　Italy　and　Moose　halls。　And　he　kept　learning。　
　Toby's　act　consisted　of　parodies　of　popular　songs；　imitations　of　Gable　and　Grant　and　Bogart　and　Cagney；　and　material　stolen　from　the　big…name　ics　who　could　afford　expensive　writers。　All　the　struggling　ics　stole　their　material；　and　they　bragged　about　it。　〃I'm　doing　Jerry　Lester〃　　meaning　they　were　using　his　material　　〃and　I'm　twice　as　good　as　he　is。〃　〃I'm　doing　Milton　Berle。〃　〃You　should　see　my　Red　Skelton。〃　Because　material　was　the　key；　they　stole　only　from　the　best。　
　Toby　would　try　anything。　He　would　fix　the　indifferent；　hard…faced　audience　with　his　wistful　blue　eyes　and　say；　〃Did　you　ever　see　an　Eskimo　pee？〃　He　would　put　his　two　hands　in　front　of　his　fly；　and　ice　cubes　would　dribble　out。　He　would　put　on　a　turban　and　wrap　himself　in　a　sheet。　〃Abdul；　the　snake　charmer；〃　he　would　intone。　He　would　play　a　flute；　and　out　of　a　wicker　basket　a　cobra　began　to　appear；　moving　rhythmically　to　the　music　as　Toby　pulled　wires。　The　snake's　body　was　a　douche　bag；　and　its　head　was　the　nozzle。　There　was　always　someone　in　the　audience　who　thought　it　was　funny。　He　did　the　standards　and　the　stockies　and　the　platters；　where　you　laid　the　jokes　in　their　laps。　He　had　dozens　of　tricks。　He　had　to　be　ready　to　switch　from　one　bit　to　another；　before　the　beer　bottles　started　flying。　　
　And　no　matter　where　he　played；　there　was　always　the　sound　of　a　flushing　toilet　during　his　act。　
　Toby　traveled　across　the　country　by　bus。　When　he　arrived　at　a　new　town　he　would　check　into　the　cheapest　hotel　or　boardinghouse　and　size　up　the　nightclubs　and　bars　and　horse　parlors。　He　stuffed　cardboard　in　the　soles　of　his　shoes　and　whitened　his　shirt　collars　with　chalk　to　save　on　laundry。　The　towns　were　all　dreary；　and　the　food　was　always　bad…　but　it　was　the　loneliness　that　ate　into　him。　He　had　no　one。　There　was　not　a　single　person　in　the　vast　universe　who　cared　whether　he　lived　or　died。　He　wrote　to　his　father　from　time　to　time；　but　it　was　out　of　a　sense　of　duty　rather　than　love。　Toby　desperately　needed　someone　to　talk　to；　someone　who　would　understand　him；　share　his　dreams　with　him。　He　watched　the　successful　entertainers　leave　the　big　clubs　with　their　entourages　and　their　beautiful；　classy　girls　and　drive　off　in　shiny　limousines；　and　Toby　envied　them。　Someday。。。　
　The　worst　moments　were　when　he　flopped；　when　he　was　booed　in　the　middle　of　his　act；　thrown　out　before　he　had　a　chance　to　get　started。　At　those　times　Toby　hated　the　people　in　the　audience；　he　wanted　to　kill　them。　It　wasn't　only　that　he　had　failed；　it　was　that　he　had　failed　at　the　bottom。　He　could　go　down　no　further；　he　was　there。　He　hid　in　his　hotel　room　and　cried　and　begged　God　to　leave　him　alone；　to　take　away　his　desire　to　stand　in　front　of　an　audience　and　entertain　them。　God；　he　prayed；　let　me　want　to　be　a　shoe　salesman　or　a　butcher。　Anything　but　this。　His　mother　had　been　wrong。　God　had　not　singled　him　out。　He　was　never　going　to　be　famous。　Tomorrow；　he　would　find　some　other　line　of　work。　He　would　apply　for　a　nine…to…five　job　in　an　office　and　live　like　a　normal　human　being。　
　And　the　next　night　Toby　would　be　on　stage　again；　doing　his　imitations；　telling　jokes；　trying　to　win　over　the　people　before　they　turned　on　him　and　attacked。　He　would　smile　at　them　innocently　and　say；　〃This　man　was　in　love　with　his　duck；　and　he　took　it　to　a　movie　with　him　one　night。　The　cashier　said；　'You　can't　bring　that　duck　in　here'；　so　the　man　went　around　the　corner　and　stuffed　the　duck　down　the　front　of　his　trousers；　bought　a　ticket　and　went　inside。　The　duck　started　getting　restless；　so　the　man　opened　up　his　fly　and　let　the　duck's　head　out。　Well；　next　to　the　man　was　a　lady　and　her　husband。　She　turned　to　her　husband　and　said；　'Ralph；　the　man　next　to　me　has　his　penis　out。'　So　Ralph　said；　'Is　he　bothering　you？'　'No；'　she　said。　'Okay。　Then　forget　it　and　enjoy　the　movie。'　A　few　minutes　later　the　wife　nudged　her　husband　again。　'Ralph　　his　penis'　And　her　husband　said；　'I　told　you　to　ignore　it。'　And　she　said；　'I　can'tit's　eating　my　popcorn！'　〃
　He　made　one…night　appearances　at　the　Three　Six　Five　in　San　Francisco；　Rudy's　Rail　in　New　York　and　Kin　Wa　Low's　in　Toledo。　He　played　plumbers'　conventions　and　bar　mitzvahs　and　bowling　banquets。　And　he　learned。　He　did　four　and　five　shows　a　day　at　small　theaters　named　the　Gem　and　the　Odeon　and　the　Empire　and　the　Star。　And　he　learned。　And；　finally；　one　of　the　things　that　Toby　Temple　learned　was　that　he　could　spend　the　rest　of　his　life　playing　the　Toilet　Circuit；　unknown　and　undiscovered。　But　an　event　occurred　that　made　the　whole　matter　academic。　
　On　a　cold　Sunday　afternoon　in　early　December　in　1941；　Toby　was　playing　a　five…a…day　act　at　the　Dewey　Theatre　on　Fourteenth　Street　in　New　York。　There　were　eight　acts　on　the　bill；　and　part　of　Toby's　job　was　to　introduce　them。　The　first　show　went　well。　During　the　second　show；　when　Toby　introduced　the　Flying　Kanazawas；　a　family　of　Japanese　acrobats；　the　audience　began　to　hiss　them。　Toby　retreated　backstage。　
　〃What　the　hell's　the　matter　with　them　out　there？〃　he　asked。　
　〃Jesus；　haven't　you　heard？　The　Japs　attacked　Pearl　Harbor　a　few　hours　ago；〃　the　stage　manager　told　him。　
　〃So　what？〃　Toby　asked。　〃Look　at　those　guys　　they're　great。〃　
　The　next　show；　when　it　was　the　turn　of　the　Japanese　troupe；　Toby　went　out　on　stage　and　said；　
　〃Ladies　and　gentlemen；　it's　a　great　privilege　to　present　to　you。　fresh　from　their　triumph　in　Manila　the　Flying　Filipinos！〃　
　The　moment　the　audience　saw　the　Japanese　troupe；　they　began　to　hiss。　During　the　rest　of　the　day　Toby　turned　them　into　the　Happy　Hawaiians；　the　Mad　Mongolians　and；　finally；　the　Eskimo　Flyers。　But　he　was　unable　to　save　them。　Nor；　as　it　turned　out；　himself。　When　he　telephoned　his　father　that　evening；　Toby　learned　that　there　was　a　letter　waiting　for　him　at　home。　It　began；　〃Greetings〃；　and　was　signed　by　the　President。　Six　weeks　later；　Toby　was　sworn　into　the　United　States　Army。　The　day　he　was　inducted；　his　head　was　pounding　so　hard　that　he　was　barely　able　to　take　the　oath。　
　
　The　headaches　came　often；　and　when　they　happened；　little　Josephine　felt　as　though　two　giant　hands　were　squeezing　her　temples。　She　tried　not　to　cry；　because　it　upset　her　mother。　Mrs。　Czinski　had　discovered　religion。　She　had　always　secretly　felt　that　in　some　way　she　and　her　baby　were　responsible　for　the　death　of　her　husband。　She　had　wandere