rh.royalassassin-第163部分

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　　　　　　　〃At　least　give　him　marching　rations；〃　Kelvar　advised。　〃No　one　will　say　you　have　pampered　him　with　those；　and　we　shall　have　a　live　man；　either　for　you　to　hang　or　to　mand　at　Buck　for　us。〃
　　　　　　　Regal　crossed　his　arms　on　his　chest　and　made　no　reply。　I　knew　I　would　get　but　water　and　half　a　loaf。　I　think　he　would　have　tried　to　take　Brawndy's　cloak　away　from　me；　save　that　he　knew　I　would　have　fought　for　it。　With　a　jerk　of　his　chin；　Regal　indicated　to　the　guard　that　he　could　close　my　door。　As　it　slammed　shut　I　flung　myself　forward；　to　grip　the　bars　and　stare　after　them。　I　thought　of　calling　out；　of　telling　them　all　that　Regal　would　not　let　me　live；　that　he　would　find　a　way　to　kill　me　here。　But　I　did　not。　They　would　not　have　believed　me。　They　still　did　not　fear　Regal　as　they　needed　to。　If　they　had　known　him　as　I　did；　they　would　have　known　that　no　promise　could　bind　him　to　their　bargain。　He　would　kill　me。　I　was　too　deeply　within　his　power　for　him　to　resist　ending　me。
　　　　　　　I　let　go　of　the　door　and　walked　woodenly　back　to　my　bench。　I　sat　down。　Reflex　more　than　thought　made　me　drape　Brawndy's　cloak　about　my　shoulders。　The　cold　I　felt　now　would　not　be　warmed　away　by　wool。　As　the　wave　of　a　rising　tide　rushes　into　a　sea　cavern；　so　the　knowledge　of　my　death　once　more　filled　me。　Once　again；　I　thought　I　might　faint。　I　pushed　at　it；　vaguely　repelling　at　my　own　thoughts　of　how　Regal　might　choose　to　kill　me。　There　were　so　many　ways。　I　suspected　he　would　try　to　wring　a　confession　from　me。　Given　enough　time；　he　might　be　successful。　The　thought　made　me　sick。　I　tried　to　pull　myself　back　from　the　brink；　not　to　realize　so　thoroughly　that　I　was　going　to　die　painfully。
　　　　　　　With　a　peculiar　lightening　of　heart；　I　reflected　that　I　could　cheat　him。　Within　my　blood…matted　sleeve　cuff　was　the　tiny　pocket　that　still　held　the　poison　I　had　so　long　ago　prepared　for　Wallace。　Had　it　offered　a　less　horrendous　death；　I　would　have　taken　it　right　then。　But　I　had　not　formulated　that　poison　for　a　quick　and　painless　sleep；　but　for　cramps　and　flux　and　fever。　Later；　I　thought；　it　might　bee　preferable　to　whatever　Regal　offered。　There　was　no　fort　in　that　thought。　I　lay　back　on　my　slab　and　rolled　myself　up　well　in　Brawndy's　ample　cloak。　I　hoped　he　would　not　miss　it　too　much。　It　was　probably　the　last　kind　thing　anyone　would　ever　do　for　me。　I　did　not　fall　asleep。　I　fled；　willfully　submerging　myself　into　my　wolf's　world。
　　　　　　　I　awoke　later　from　a　human　dream　in　which　Chade　had　been　lecturing　me　for　not　paying　attention。　I　drew　myself　smaller　in　Brawndy's　cloak。　Torchlight　trickling　into　my　cell。　Day　or　night；　I　could　not　tell；　but　I　thought　it　was　deep　night。　I　tried　to　find　sleep　again。　Chade's　urgent　voice　had　been　pleading　with　me　。。。。
　　　　　　　I　sat　up　slowly。　The　cadence　and　tone　of　the　mufed　voice　was　definitely　Chade's。　It　seemed　fainter　when　I　sat　up。　I　lay　down　again。　Now　it　was　louder；　but　I　still　couldn't　pick　out　the　words。　I　pressed　my　ear　to　the　stone　bench。　No。　I　got　up　slowly　and　moved　about　my　small　cell；　from　wall　to　corner　and　back　again。　There　was　one　corner　in　which　the　voice　was　loudest；　but　I　still　could　not　make　out　the　words。　〃I　can't　understand　you；〃　I　said　to　my　empty　cell。
　　　　　　　The　mufed　voice　paused。　Then　it　spoke　again；　a　questioning　inflection。
　　　　　　　〃I　can't　understand　you！〃　I　said　more　loudly。　。
　　　　　　　Chade's　voice　resumed；　more　excitedly；　but　no　louder。
　　　　　　　〃I　can't　understand　you！〃　I　shouted　in　frustration。
　　　　　　　Footsteps　outside　my　cell。　〃FitzChivalry！〃
　　　　　　　The　guard　was　short。　She　couldn't　see　in。　〃What？〃　I　asked　sleepily。
　　　　　　　〃What　were　you　shouting？〃
　　　　　　　〃What？　Oh。　Bad　dream。〃
　　　　　　　The　footsteps　went　away。　I　heard　her　laugh　to　the　other　guard　and　say；　〃Hard　to　imagine　what　dream　could　be　worse　than　waking　up　for　him。〃　She　had　an　inland　accent。
　　　　　　　I　went　back　to　my　bench　and　lay　down。　Chade's　voice　had　stopped。　I　tended　to　agree　with　the　guard。　I　would　not　sleep　again　for　a　while；　but　would　wonder　what　Chade　had　been　so　desperately　trying　to　tell　me。　I　doubted　it　would　be　good　news；　and　I　did　not　want　to　imagine　bad。　I　was　going　to　have　to　die　here。　At　least　let　it　be　because　I　had　aided　the　Queen's　escape。　I　wondered　how　far　she　was　on　her　journey。　I　thought　of　the　Fool；　and　wondered　how　well　he　would　withstand　the　rigors　of　a　winter　journey。　I　forbade　myself　to　wonder　why　Burrich　was　not　with　them。　Instead；　I　thought　of　Molly。
　　　　　　　I　must　have　drowsed；　for　I　saw　her。　She　was　toiling　up　a　path；　a　yoke　of　water　buckets　on　her　shoulders。　She　looked　pale　and　sick　and　worn。　On　top　of　the　hill　was　a　tumbledown　cottage；　snow　banked　against　its　walls。　She　stopped　and　set　her　water　buckets　down　at　the　door　and　stood　looking　out；　over　the　sea。　She　frowned　at　the　fair　weather　and　the　light　wind　that　only　tipped　the　waves　with　white。　The　wind　lifted　her　thick　hair　just　as　I　used　to　and　slid　its　hand　along　the　curve　of　her　warm　neck　and　jaw。　Her　eyes　went　suddenly　wide。　Then　tears　brimmed　them。　〃No；〃　she　said　aloud。　〃No。　I　won't　think　of　you　anymore。　No。〃　She　stooped　and　lifted　the　heavy　buckets　and　went　into　the　cottage。　She　shut　the　door　firmly　behind　her。　The　wind　blew　past　it。　The　roof　was　poorly　thatched。　The　wind　blew　harder　and　I　let　it　carry　me　away。
　　　　　　　I　tumbled　on　it；　dove　through　it；　and　let　it　flow　my　pains　away。　I　thought　of　diving　deeper；　down　into　the　main　flow　of　it；　where　it　could　sweep　me　entirely　away；　right　out　of　myself　and　all　my　petty　worries。　I　trailed　my　hands　in　that　deeper　current；　swift　and　heavy　as　a　moving　river。　It　tugged　at　me。
　　　　　　　I'd　stand　back　from　that　if　I　were　you。
　　　　　　　Would　you？　I　let　Verity　consider　my　situation　for　a　moment。
　　　　　　　Perhaps　not；　he　replied　grimly。　Something　like　a　sigh。　I　should　have　guessed　at　how　bad　it　was。　It　seems　it　takes　great　pain；　or　illness；　or　extreme　duress　of　some　kind　to　break　down　your　walls　so　you　can　Skill。　He　paused　long　and　we　were　both　silent；　thinking　of　nothing　and　everything　all　at　once。　So。　My　father　is　dead。　Justin　and　Serene。　I　should　have　guessed　somehow。　His　weariness　and　dwindling　strength；　those　are　the　hallmarks　of　a　King's　Man；　drained　too　low　too　often。　I　suspect　it　had　been　going　on　long；　probably　since　before　Galen　。。。　died。　Only　he　could　have　conceived　such　a　thing；　let　alone　devised　a　way　to　do　it。　What　a　loathsome　way　to　use　the　Skill。　And　they　spied　upon　us？
　　　　　　　Yes。　I　do　not　know　how　much　they　learned。　And　there　is　another　to　fear。　Will。
　　　　　　　Damn　me　thrice　for　a　fool。　Look　at　it；　Fitz。　We　should　have　known。　The　ships　worked　so　well　for　us　at　first；　and　then；　as　soon　as　they　knew　what　we　were　up　to；　you　and　I；　they　found　ways　to　block　us。　The　coterie　has　been　in　Regal　's　pocket　since　they　were　formed。　Thus　we　have　delayed　messages；　or　messages　not　delivered。　Help　always　sent　too　late；　or　never　sent　at　all。　He　is　as　full　of　hate　as　a　tick　is　full　of　blood。　And　he　has　won。
　　　　　　　Not　quite；　my　king。　I　reined　my　mind　back　from　thinking　of　Kettricken　safely　on　her　way　to　the　Mountains。　Instead；　I　repeated；　There　is　still　Will。　And　Burl　and　Carrod。　We　must　be　circumspect；　my。　prince。
　　　　　　　A　shade　of　warmth。　l　shall。　But　you　know　the　depths　of　my　thanks。　Perhaps　we　paid　highly；　but　what　we　bought　was　worth　it。　To　me；　at　least。
　　　　　　　To　me；　also。　I　sensed　the　weariness　in　him；　and　the　resignation。　Are　you　giving　up？
　　　　　　　Not　yet。　But　like　yours；　my　future　does　not　seem　promising。　The　others　are　all　dead　or　fled　I　will　go　on。　But　I　don't　know　how　much　farther　I　must　go。　Or　what　I　must　do　when　I　get　there。　And　I　am　so　very　tired。　To　give　in　would　be　so　easy。
　　　　　　　Verity　read　me　with　ease；　I　knew。　But　I　had　to　reach　for　him　and　for　all　he　was　not　conveying　to　me。　I　sensed　the　great　cold　that　surrounded　him；　and　an　injury　that　made　it　painful　to　breathe。　His　aloneness；　and　the　pain　of　knowing　that　those　who　had　died　had　died　so　far　from　home；　and　for　him。　Hod；　I　thought；　my　own　grief　echoing　his。　Charim。　Gone　forever。　And　something　else；　something　he　could　not　quite　convey。　A　temptation；　a　teetering　at　the　brink。　A　pressure；　a　plucking；　very　similar　to　the　Skillish　plucking　I　had　felt　from　Serene　and　Justin。　I　tried　to　push　past　him；　to　look　at　it　more　closely；　but　he　held　me　back。
　　　　　　　So