rh.royalassassin-第5部分

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　　　　　　　〃That　isn't　how　it　works；〃　I　told　him。　〃Once；　my　father　told　you　to　stay　behind；　and　raise　a　bastard　for　him。　Now　I　tell　you　to　leave；　to　go　to　serve　a　King　who　still　needs　you。〃
　　　　　　　〃FitzChivalry；　I　don't…〃
　　　　　　　〃Please。〃　I　don't　know　what　he　heard　in　my　voice。　Only　that　he　was　suddenly　still。　〃I　am　so　tired。　So　damnably　tired。　The　only　thing　I　know　is　that　I　can't　live　up　to　what　everyone　else　thinks　I　should　do。　I　just　can't　do　it。〃　My　voice　quavered　like　an　old　man's。　〃No　matter　what　I　ought　to　do。　No　matter　what　I　am　pledged　to　do。　There　isn't　enough　of　me　left　to　keep　my　word。　Maybe　that's　not　right；　but　that's　how　it　is。　Everyone　else's　plans。　Everyone　else's　goals。　Never　mine。　I　tried；　but　。。。〃　The　room　rocked　around　me　as　if　someone　else　were　speaking；　and　I　was　shocked　at　what　he　was　saying。　But　I　couldn't　deny　the　truth　of　his　words。　〃I　need　to　be　alone　now。　To　rest；〃　I　said　simply。
　　　　　　　Both　of　them　just　looked　at　me。　Neither　one　of　them　spoke。　They　left　the　room；　slowly；　as　if　hoping　I　would　relent　and　call　them　back。　I　did　not。
　　　　　　　But　after　they　had　gone；　and　I　was　alone；　I　permitted　myself　to　breathe　out。　I　felt　dizzy　with　the　decision　I　had　made。　I　wasn't　going　back　to　Buckkeep。　What　I　was　going　to　do；　I　had　no　idea。　I　had　swept　my　broken　bits　of　life　from　the　game　table。　Now　there　was　room　to　set　out　anew　what　pieces　I　still　had；　to　plot　a　new　strategy　for　living。　Slowly；　I　realized　I　had　no　doubts。　Regrets　warred　with　relief；　but　I　had　no　doubts。　Somehow　it　was　much　more　bearable　to　move　forward　into　a　life　where　no　one　would　recall　who　I　had　once　been。　A　life　not　pledged　to　someone　else's　will。　Not　even　my　king's。　It　was　done。　I　lay　back　in　my　bed；　and　for　the　first　time　in　weeks；　I　relaxed　pletely。　Farewell；　I　thought　wearily。　I　would　have　liked　to　wish　them　all　farewell；　to　stand　one　last　time　before　my　king　and　see　his　brief　nod　that　I　had　done　well。　Perhaps　I　could　have　made　him　understand　why　I　did　not　wish　to　go　back。　It　was　not　to　be。　It　was　done　now；　all　done。　〃I　am　sorry；　my　king；〃　I　muttered。　I　stared　into　the　dancing　flames　in　the　hearth　until　sleep　claimed　me。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　CHAPTER　ONE
　　　　　　　Siltbay
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　To　be　King…in…　Waiting；　or　the　Queen…in…　Waiting；　is　to　firmly　straddle　the　fence　between　responsibility　and　authority。　It　is　said　the　position　was　created　to　satisfy　the　ambitions　of　an　heir　for　power；　while　schooling　him　in　the　exercising　of　it。　The　eldest　child　in　the　royal　family　assumes　this　position　upon　the　sixteenth　birthday。　From　that　day　on；　the　King…　or　Queen…in…Waiting　assumes　a　full　share　of　responsibility　for　the　running　of　the　Six　Duchies。　Generally；　he　immediately　assumes　such　duties　as　the　ruling　monarch　cares　least　for；　and　these　have　varied　greatly　from　reign　to　reign。
　　　　　　　Under　King　Shrewd；　Prince　Chivalry　first　became　king…in…waiting。　To　him；　King　Shrewd　ceded　over　all　that　had　to　do　with　the　borders　and　frontiers：　warfare；　negotiations　and　diplomacy；　the　disforts　of　extended　travel　and　the　miserable　conditions　often　encountered　on　the　campaigns。　When　Chivalry　abdicated　and　Prince　Verity　became　king…in…waiting；　he　inherited　all　the　uncertainties　of　the　war　with　the　Outislanders；　and　the　civil　unrest　this　situation　created　between　the　Inland　and　Coastal　Duchies。　All　of　these　tasks　were　rendered　more　difficult　in　that；　at　any　time；　his　decisions　could　be　overridden　by　the　King。　Often　he　was　left　to　cope　with　a　situation　not　of　his　creating；　armed　only　with　options　not　of　his　choosing。
　　　　　　　Even　less　tenable；　perhaps；　was　the　position　of　Queen…in…Waiting　Kettricken。　Her　Mountain　ways　marked　her　as　a　foreigner　in　the　Six　Duchies　court。　In　peaceful　times；　perhaps　she　would　have　been　received　with　more　tolerance。　But　the　court　at　Buckkeep　seethed　with　the　general　unrest　of　the　Six　Duchies。　The　Red…Ships　from　the　Outislands　harried　our　shoreline　as　they　had　not　for　generations；　destroying　far　more　than　they　stole。　The　first　winter　of　Kettricken　's　reign　as　queen…in…waiting　saw　also　the　first　winter　raiding　we　had　ever　experienced。　The　constant　threat　of　raids；　and　the　lingering　torment　of　Forged　ones　in　our　midst　rocked　the　foundations　of　the　Six　Duchies。　Confidence　in　the　monarchy　was　low；　and　Kettricken　had　the　unenviable　position　of　being　an　unadmired　king…in…waiting's　outlandish　queen。
　　　　　　　Civil　unrest　divided　the　court　as　the　Inland　Duchies　voiced　their　resentment　at　taxes　to　protect　a　coastline　they　did　not　share。　The　Coastal　Duchies　cried　out　for　warships　and　soldiers　and　an　effective　way　to　battle　the　Raiders　that　always　struck　where　we　were　least　prepared。　Inland…bred　Prince　Regal　sought　to　gather　power　to　himself　by　courting　the　Inland　Dukes　with　gifts　and　social　attentions。　King…in…Waiting　Verity；　convinced　that　his　Skill　was　no　longer　sufficient　to　hold　the　Raiders　at　bay；　put　his　attentions　to　building　warships　to　guard　the　Coastal　Duchies；　with　little　time　for　his　new　queen。　Over　all；　King　Shrewd　crouched　like　a　great　spider；　endeavoring　to　keep　power　spread　among　himself　and　his　sons；　to　keep　all　in　balance　and　the　Six　Duchies　intact。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　I　awakened　to　someone　touching　my　forehead。　With　an　annoyed　grunt；　I　turned　my　head　aside　from　the　touch。　My　blankets　were　weltered　around　me；　I　fought　my　way　clear　of　their　restraint　and　then　sat　up　to　see　who　had　dared　disturb　me。　King　Shrewd's　fool　perched　anxiously　on　a　chair　beside　my　bed。　I　stared　at　him　wildly；　and　he　drew　back　from　my　look。　Uneasiness　assailed　me。
　　　　　　　The　Fool　should　have　been　back　in　Buckkeep；　with　the　King；　many　miles　and　days　from　here。　I　had　never　known　him　to　leave　the　King's　side　for　more　than　a　few　hours　or　a　night's　rest。　That　he　was　here　boded　no　good。　The　Fool　was　my　friend；　as　much　as　his　strangeness　allowed　him　to　be　friends　with　anyone。　But　a　visit　from　him　always　had　a　purpose；　and　such　purposes　were　seldom　trivial　or　pleasant。　He　looked　as　weary　as　I　had　ever　seen　him。　He　wore　an　unfamiliar　motley　of　greens　and　reds　and　carried　a　fool's　scepter　with　a　rat's　head　on　it。　The　gay　garments　contrasted　too　strongly　with　his　colorless　skin。　They　made　him　a　translucent　candle　wreathed　in　holly。　His　clothing　seemed　more　substantial　than　he　did。　His　fine　pale　hair　floated　from　the　confines　of　his　cap　like　a　drowned　man's　hair　in　seawater；　while　the　dancing　flames　of　the　fireplace　shone　in　his　eyes。　I　rubbed　my　gritty　eyes　and　pushed　some　of　the　hair　back　from　my　face。　My　hair　was　damp；　I'd　been　sweating　in　my　sleep。
　　　　　　　〃Hello；〃　I　managed。　〃I　didn't　expect　to　see　you　here。〃　My　mouth　felt　dry；　my　tongue　thick　and　sour。　I'd　been　sick；　I　recalled。　The　details　seemed　hazy。
　　　　　　　〃Where　else？〃　He　looked　at　me　woefully。　〃For　every　hour　you've　slept；　the　less　rested　you　seem。　Lie　back；　my　lord。　Let　me　make　you　fortable。〃　He　plucked　at　my　pillows　fussily；　but　I　waved　him　away。　Something　was　wrong　here。　Never　had　he　spoken　me　so　fair。　Friends　we　were；　but　the　Fool's　words　to　me　were　always　as　pithy　and　sour　as　half…ripened　fruit。　If　this　sudden　kindness　was　a　show　of　pity；　I　wanted　none　of　it。
　　　　　　　I　glanced　down　at　my　embroidered　nightshirt；　at　the　rich　bedcovers。　Something　seemed　odd　about　them。　I　was　too　tired　and　weak　to　puzzle　it　out。　〃What　are　you　doing　here？〃　I　asked　him。
　　　　　　　He　took　a　breath　and　sighed。　〃I　am　tending　you。　Watching　over　you　while　you　sleep。　I　know　you　think　it　foolish；　but　then；　I　am　the　Fool。　You　know　then　that　I　must　be　foolish。　Yet　you　ask　me　this　same　thing　every　time　you　awake。　Let　me　then　propose　something　wiser。　I　beg　you；　my　lord；　let　me　send　for　another　healer。〃
　　　　　　　I　leaned　back　against　my　pillows。　They　were　sweat　damp；　and　smelled　sour　to　me。　I　knew　I　could　ask　the　Fool　to　change　them　and　he　would。　But　I　would　just　sweat　anew　if　he　did。　It　was　useless。　I　clutched　at　my　covers　with　gnarled　fingers。　I　asked　him　bluntly；　〃Why　have　you　e　here？〃
　　　　　　　He　took　my　hand　in　his　and　patted　it。　〃My　lord；　I　mistrust　this　sudden　weakness。　You　seem　to　take　no　good　from　this　healer's　ministrations。　I　fear　that　his　knowledge　is　much　smaller　than　his　opinion　of　it。〃
　　　　　　　〃Burrich？〃　I　asked　incredulously。
　　　　　　　〃Burrich？　Would　that　he　were　here；　my　lord！　He　may　be　the　stablemaster；　but　for　all　that；　I　warrant　he　is