rh.royalassassin-第62部分
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f King Wisdom conferring with a yellowish Elderling。 A branch of candles on the mantel。 It had scarcely changed in the years I had lived here from the first night I had moved into it。 It was a bare and dreary room； devoid of imagination。 Suddenly I was a bare and dreary person； devoid of imagination。 I fetched and I hunted and I killed。 I obeyed。 More hound than man。 And not even a favored hound； to be petted and praised。 One of the working pack。 When was the last time I had heard from Shrewd？ Or Chade。 Even the Fool mocked me。 What was I； anymore； to anyone； except a tool？ Was there anyone left who cared for me； myself？ Suddenly I could no longer abide my own pany。 I set down the scroll I had picked up and left my room。
When I knocked at the door of Patience's room； there was a pause。 〃Who is it？〃 came Lacey's voice。
〃Only FitzChivalry。〃
〃FitzChivalry！〃 A bit of surprise in the tone。 It was late for a visit from me。 Usually I came during the day。 Then I was forted to hear the sound of a bar being removed； and a latch worked。 She had paid attention to what I had told her； I thought。 The door opened slowly and Lacey stepped back to admit me； smiling dubiously。
I stepped in； greeting Lacey warmly； and then glanced about for Patience。 She was in the other chamber； I surmised。 But in a corner； eyes lowered over needlework； sat Molly。 She did not look up at me or acknowledge my presence at all。 Her hair was tidied back in a bun under a lacy little cap。 On another woman； her blue dress might have been simple and modest。 On Molly it was drab。 Her eyes stayed down on her work。 I glanced at Lacey to find her regarding me levelly。 I looked at Molly again and something inside me gave way。 It took me four steps to cross the room to her。 I knelt beside her chair and as she drew back from me； I seized her hand and carried it to my lips。
〃FitzChivalry！〃 Patience's voice behind me was outraged。 I glanced at her framed in the doorway。 Her lips were set flat in anger。 I turned away from her。
Molly had turned her face aside from me。 I held her hand and spoke quietly。 〃I cannot go on like this anymore。 No matter how； foolish； no matter how dangerous； no matter what any other may think。 I cannot be always apart from you。〃
She pulled her hand away from me； and I let it go not to hurt her fingers。 But I grasped at her skirt and clutched a fold of it like a stubborn child。 〃At least speak to me；〃 I begged her； but it was Patience who spoke。
〃FitzChivalry； this is not seemly。 Stop it at once。〃
〃It was not seemly； nor wise； nor appropriate for my father to court you as he did； either。 But he did not hesitate。 I suspect he felt much as I do right now。〃 I did not look away from Molly。
That won me a moment of startled silence from Patience。 But it was Molly who set aside her needlework and rose。 She stepped away； and when it became clear that I must let go or tear the fabric of her skirt； I released it。 She stepped clear of me。 〃If my lady Patience will excuse me for the evening？〃
〃Certainly；〃 Patience replied； but her voice was not at all certain。
〃If you go away； there is nothing for me。〃 I knew I sounded too dramatic。 I was still on my knees by her chair。
〃If I stay； there is still nothing for you。〃 Molly spoke levelly as she took off her apron and hung it on a hook。 〃I am a serving girl。 You are a young noble； of the royal family。 There can never be anything between us。 I've e to see that； over the last few weeks。〃
〃No。〃 I rose and stepped toward her； but forbore to touch her。 〃You are Molly and I am Newboy。〃
〃Maybe。 Once；〃 Molly conceded。 Then she sighed。 〃But not now。 Do not make this harder for me than it is； sir。 You must leave me in peace。 I have nowhere else to go； I must stay here and work； at least until I earn enough 。。。。〃 She shook her head suddenly。 〃Good evening； my lady。 Lacey。 Sir。〃 She turned aside from me。 Lacey stood silently。 I noticed she did not open the door for Molly； but Molly did not pause there。 The door shut very firmly behind her。 A terrible silence welled up in the room。
〃Well；〃 Patience breathed at last。 〃I am glad to see that at least one of you has some sense。 What on earth were you thinking； FitzChivalry； to barge in here and all but attack my maid？〃
〃I was thinking that I loved her；〃 I said bluntly。 I dropped into a chair and put my head into my hands。 〃I was thinking that I am very weary of being so alone。〃
〃That is why you came here？〃 Patience sounded almost offended。
〃No。 I came here to see you。 I did not know she would be here。 But when I saw her； it just came over me。 It's true； Patience。 I cannot go on like this。〃
〃Well； you'd better； because you're going to have to。〃 The words were hard； but she sighed as she said them。
〃Does Molly speak of it 。。。 of me？ To you。 I must know。 Please。〃 I battered at their silence and exchanged looks。 〃Does she truly wish me to leave her alone？ Have I bee so despised of her？ Have I not done all you demanded of me？ I have waited； Patience。 I have avoided her； I have taken care not to cause talk。 But when is an end to it？ Or is this your plan？ To keep us apart until we forget each other？ It cannot work。 I am not a babe； and this is not some bauble you hide from me； to distract me with other toys。 This is Molly。 And she is my heart and I will not let her go。〃
〃I am afraid you must。〃 Patience said the words heavily。
〃Why？ Has she chosen another？〃
Patience batted my words away as if they were flies。 〃No。 She is not fickle； not that one。 She is smart and diligent and full of wit and spirit。 I can see how you lost your heart to her。 But she also has pride。 She has e to see what you refuse。 That you e； each of you； from places so far apart that there can be no meeting in the middle。 Even were Shrewd to consent to a marriage； which I very much doubt； how would you live？ You cannot leave the Keep； to go down to Buckkeep Town and work in a candle shop。 You know you cannot。 And what status would she enjoy if you kept her here？ Despite her goodness； people who did not know her well would see only the differences in your rank。 She would be seen as a low appetite you had indulged。 ‘Oh； the Bastard； he had an eye for his stepmother's maid。 I fancy he caught her around the corner one time too many； and now he has to pay the piper。' You know the kind of talk I mean。〃
I did。 〃I don't care what folk would say。〃
〃Perhaps you could endure it。 But what of Molly？ What of your children？〃
I was silent。 Patience looked down at her hands idle in her lap。 〃You are young； FitzChivalry。〃 She spoke very quietly； very soothingly。 〃I know you do not believe it now。 But； you may meet another。 One closer to your station。 And she may also。 Maybe she deserves that chance at happiness。 Perhaps you should draw back。 Give yourself a year or so。 And if your heart has not changed by then； well 。。。〃
〃My heart will not change。〃
〃Nor will hers； I fear。〃 Patience spoke bluntly。 〃She cared for you； Fitz。 Not knowing who you really were； she gave her heart to you。 She has said as much。 I do not wish to betray her confidences to me； but if you do as she asks and leave her alone； she can never tell you herself。 So I will speak； and hope you hold me harmless for the pain I must give you。 She knows this can never be。 She does not want to be a servant marrying a noble。 She does not want her children to be the daughters and sons of a Keep servant。 So she saves the little I am able to pay her。 She buys her wax and her scents； and works still at her trade； as best as she is able。 She means to save enough； somehow； to begin again； with her own chandlery。 It will not be soon。 But that is her goal。〃 Patience paused。 〃She sees no place in that life for you。〃
I sat a long time； thinking。 Neither Lacey nor Patience spoke。 Lacey moved slowly through our stillness； brewing tea。 She pushed a cup of it into my hand。 I lifted my eyes and tried to smile at her。 I set the tea carefully aside。 〃Did you know； from the beginning； that it would e to this？〃 I asked。
〃I feared it；〃 Patience said simply。 〃But I also knew
