rl.thebourneultimatum-第93部分

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a；　Laos；　and　finally　Saigon　and　the　tragedy　that　was　Vietnam。　Over　the　years；　with　his　facile　mastery　of　languages　and　the　expertise　that　came　with　survival；　he　had　bee　the　Agency's　point　man　in　clandestine　operations；　its　primary　scout　and　often　the　on…scene　strategist　for　covert　activities。　Then　one　morning　with　the　mists　hanging　over　the　Mekong　Delta；　a　land　mine　shattered　his　life　as　well　as　his　foot。　There　was　little　left　for　a　field　man　who　depended　on　mobility　in　his　chosen　work；　the　rest　was　downhill　and　out　of　the　field。　His　excessive　drinking　he　accepted；　and　excused　as　genetic。　The　Russian's　winter　of　depression　carried　over　into　spring；　summer　and　autumn。　The　skeletal；　trembling　wreck　of　a　man　who　was　about　to　go　under　was　given　a　reprieve。　David　Webb…Jason　Bourne…came　back　into　his　life。
　The　door　opened；　mercifully　cutting　short　his　reverie；　and　Peter　Holland　walked　slowly　into　the　lounge。　His　face　was　pale　and　drawn；　his　eyes　glazed；　and　in　his　left　hand　were　two　small　plastic　containers；　each　presumably　holding　a　cassette　tape。
　〃As　long　as　I　live；〃　said　Peter；　his　voice　low　and　hollow；　barely　above　a　whisper；　〃I　hope　to　Christ　I　never　go　through　anything　like　this　again；　never　witness　anything　like　this　again。〃
　〃How's　Mo？〃
　〃I　didn't　think　he'd　live。　。。。　I　thought　he'd　kill　himself。　Every　now　and　then　Walsh　would　stop。　Let　me　tell　you；　he　was　one　frightened　doctor。〃
　〃Why　didn't　he　call　it　off；　for　God's　sake？〃
　〃I　asked　him　that。　He　said　Panov's　instructions　were　not　only　explicit　but　that　he'd　written　them　out　and　signed　them　and　expected　them　to　be　followed　to　the　letter。　Maybe　there's　some　kind　of　unwritten　code　of　ethics　between　doctors；　I　don't　know；　but　I　do　know　Walsh　hooked　him　up　to　an　EKG；　which　he　rarely　took　his　eyes　off。　Neither　did　I；　it　was　easier　than　looking　at　Mo。　Jesus；　let's　get　out　of　here！〃
　〃Wait　a　minute。　What　about　Panov？〃
　〃He's　not　ready　for　a　wele…home　party。　He'll　stay　here　for　a　couple　of　days　under　observation。　Walsh　will　call　me　in　the　morning。〃
　〃I'd　like　to　see　him。　I　want　to　see　him。〃
　〃There's　nothing　to　see　but　a　human　dishrag。　Believe　me；　you　don't　and　he　wouldn't　want　you　to。　Let's　go。〃
　〃Where？〃
　〃Your　place　in　Vienna…our　place　in　Vienna。　I　assume　you've　got　a　cassette　machine。〃
　〃I've　got　everything　but　a　moon　rocket；　most　of　which　I　can't　operate。〃
　〃I　want　to　stop　and　get　a　bottle　of　whisky。〃
　〃There's　whatever　you　want　at　the　apartment。〃
　〃It　doesn't　bother　you？〃　asked　Holland；　studying　Alex。
　〃Would　it　matter　if　it　did？〃
　〃Not　a　bit。　。。。　If　I　remember；　there's　an　extra　bedroom；　isn't　there？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Good。　We　may　be　up　most　of　the　night　listening　to　these。〃　The　director　held　up　the　cassettes。　〃The　first　couple　of　times　won't　mean　anything。　All　we'll　hear　is　the　pain；　not　the　information。〃
　It　was　shortly　past　five　o'clock　in　the　afternoon　when　they　left　the　estate　known　within　the　Agency　as　Sterile　House　Five。　The　days　were　growing　shorter；　September　on　the　cusp；　the　descending　sun　announcing　the　forthing　change　with　an　intensity　of　color　that　was　the　death　of　one　season　and　the　birth　of　another。
　〃The　light's　always　brightest　before　we　die；〃　said　Conklin；　leaning　back　in　the　seat　beside　Holland　in　the　limousine；　staring　out　the　window。
　〃I　find　that　not　only　inappropriate　but　quite　possibly　sophomoric；〃　declared　Peter　wearily。　〃I　won't　mit　to　the　latter　until　I　know　who　said　it。　Who　was　it？〃
　〃Jesus；　I　think。〃
　〃The　Scriptures　were　never　edited。　Too　many　campfires；　no　on…scene　confirmation。〃
　Alex　laughed　softly；　reflectively。　〃Did　you　ever　actually　read　them？　The　Scriptures；　I　mean。〃
　〃Most　of　it…most　of　them。〃
　〃Because　you　had　to？〃
　〃Hell；　no。　My　father　and　mother　were　as　agnostic　as　any　two　people　could　be　without　being　branded　godless　pariahs。　They　shut　up　about　it　and　sent　me　and　my　two　sisters　to　a　Protestant　service　one　week；　a　Catholic　mass　on　another；　and　a　synagogue　after　that。　Never　with　any　regularity；　but　I　guess　they　figured　we　should　catch　the　whole　scene。　That's　what　makes　kids　want　to　read。　Natural　curiosity　wrapped　in　mysticism。〃
　〃Irresistible；〃　agreed　Conklin。　〃I　lost　my　faith；　and　now　after　years　of　proclaiming　my　spiritual　independence；　I　wonder　if　I'm　missing　something。〃
　〃Like　what？〃
　〃fort；　Peter。　I　have　no　fort。〃
　〃For　what？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　Things　I　can't　control；　maybe。〃
　〃You　mean　you　don't　have　the　fort　of　an　excuse；　a　metaphysical　excuse。　Sorry；　Alex；　we　part　pany。　We're　accountable　for　what　we　do；　and　no　confessional　absolution　can　change　that。〃
　Conklin　turned　his　head；　his　eyes　wide　open；　and　looked　at　Holland。　〃Thank　you；〃　he　said。
　〃For　what？〃
　〃For　sounding　like　me；　even　using　a　variation　of　the　words　I've　used。　。。。　I　came　back　from　Hong　Kong　five　years　ago　with　the　banner　of　Accountability　on　my　lance。〃
　〃You've　lost　me。〃
　〃Forget　it。　I'm　back　on　track。　。。。　'Beware　the　pitfalls　of　ecclesiastical　presumption　and　self…absorbed　thought。〃
　〃Who　the　hell　said　that？〃
　〃Either　Savonarola　or　Salvador　Dali；　I　can't　remember　who。〃
　〃Oh；　for　Christ's　sake；　cut　the　crap！〃　laughed　Holland。
　〃Why　should　I？　It's　the　first　chuckle　we've　had。　And　what　about　your　two　sisters？　What　happened　to　them？〃
　〃It's　a　better　joke；〃　replied　Peter；　his　head　angled　down　into　his　chin；　a　mischievous　smile　on　his　lips。　〃One's　a　nun　in　New　Delhi；　and　the　other's　president　of　her　own　public　relations　firm　in　New　York　and　uses　better　Yiddish　than　most　of　her　colleagues　in　the　profession。　A　couple　of　years　ago　she　told　me　they　stopped　calling　her　shiksa。　She　loves　her　life；　so　does　my　other　sister　in　India。〃
　〃Yet　you　chose　the　military。〃
　〃Not　'yet；'　Alex。　。。。　And　I　chose　it。　I　was　an　angry　young　man　who　really　believed　this　country　was　being　dumped　on。　I　came　from　a　privileged　family…money；　influence；　an　expensive　prep　school…that　guaranteed　me…me；　not　the　black　kid　on　the　streets　of　Philadelphia　or　Harlem…automatic　admittance　to　Annapolis。　I　simply　figured　I　had　to　somehow　earn　that　privilege。　I　had　to　show　that　people　like　me　didn't　just　use　our　advantages　to　avoid；　but　instead　to　extend；　our　responsibilities。〃
　〃Aristocracy　reborn；〃　said　Conklin。　〃Noblesse　oblige…nobility　imposes　obligations。〃
　〃That's　not　fair；〃　protested　Holland。
　〃Yes；　it　is；　in　a　very　real　sense。　In　Greek；　aristo　means　the　'best；'　and　kratia　is　the　word　for　'rule。'　In　ancient　Athens　such　young　men　led　armies；　their　swords　up　front；　not　behind；　if　only　to　prove　to　the　troops　that　they　would　sacrifice　with　the　lowliest　of　them；　for　the　lowliest　were　under　their　mands；　the　mands　of　the　finest。〃
　Peter　Holland's　head　arched　back　into　the　top　of　the　velvet　seat；　his　eyes　half　closed。　〃Maybe　that　was　part　of　it；　I'm　not　sure…I'm　not　sure　at　all。　We　were　asking　so　much　。。。　for　what？　Pork　Chop　Hill？　Unidentifiable；　useless　terrain　in　the　Mekong？　Why？　For　Christ's　sake；　why？　Men　shot；　their　stomachs　and　chests　blown　away　by　an　enemy　two　feet　in　front　of　them；　by　a　'Cong　who　knew　jungles　they　didn't　know？　What　kind　of　war　was　that？　。。。　If　guys　like　me　didn't　go　up　with　the　kids　and　say；　'Look；　here　I　am；　I'm　with　you；'　how　the　hell　do　you　think　we　could　have　lasted　as　long　as　we　did？　There　might　have　been　mass　revolts　and　maybe　there　should　have　been。　Those　kids　were　what　some　people　call　niggers；　and　spics　and　the　foul…ups　who　couldn't　read　or　write　beyond　a　third…grade　level。　The　privileged　had　deferments…deferments　from　getting　soiled…or　service　that　damn　near　guaranteed　no　bat。　The　others　didn't。　And　if　my　being　with　them…this　privileged　son　of　a　bitch…meant　anything；　it　was　the　best　gig　I　ever　did　in　my　life。〃　Holland　suddenly　stopped　talking　and　shut　his　eyes。
　〃I'm　sorry；　Peter。　I　didn't　mean　to　rough　up　past　roads；　I　really　didn't。　Actually；　I　started　with　my　guilt；　not　yours。　。。。　It's　crazy　how　it　all　dovetails　and　feeds　upon　itself；　isn't　it？　What　did　you　call　it？　The　merry…go…round　of　guilt。　Where　does　it　stop？〃
　〃Now；〃　said　Holland；　sitting　up　in　the　seat；　straightening　his　back　and　shoulders。　He　picked　up　the　limousine　telephone；　punched　two　numbers　and　spoke。　〃Drop　us　off　in　Vienna；　please。　And　when　you've　done　that；　go　find　a　Chinese　restaurant　and　bring　us　back　the　best　they've　got。