cw.imarriedadeadman-第29部分

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　She　cast　the　back　of　her　hand　across　her　eyes　as　though　a　blow　had　just　blinded　her。
　He　wrenched　the　door　open。
　〃They're　waiting　for　us　in　there。　e　on；　you're　only　making　it　worse。〃
　He　was　beginning　to　harden　against　her。　Her　opposition　was　mencing　to　inflame　him　against　her。　It　showed　inversely；　in　a　sort　of　lethal　coldness。
　〃Look；　my　friend；　I'm　not　going　to　drag　you　in　there　by　the　hair。　The　thing　isn't　worth　it。　I'm　going　inside　a　minute　and　call　the　Hazzard　house　from　here；　and　tell　them　the　whole　story　right　now。　Then　I'll　drive　you　back　where　I　got　you　from。　They　can　have　you…if　they　want　you　any　more。〃　He　leaned　toward　her　slightly　across　the　door。　〃Take　a　good　look　at　me。　Do　I　look　like　I　was　kidding？〃
　He　meant　it。　It　wasn't　an　empty　bluff；　with　nothing　behind　it。　It　might　be　a　threat　that　he　would　prefer　not　to　have　to　carry　out；　but　it　wasn't　an　idle　threat。　She　could　see　that　in　his　eyes；　in　the　cold　sullenness　in　them；　the　dislike　of　herself　she　read　in　them。
　He　turned　and　left　the　car…side　and　went　up　the　plank…walk　again；　more　forcefully；　more　swiftly；　than　he'd　trod　it　before。
　〃Excuse　me；　could　I　trouble　you　for　a　minute…〃　she　heard　him　start　to　say　as　he　entered　the　open　doorway；　then　the　rest　was　blurred　as　he　went　deeper　within。
　She　struggled　out；　clinging　to　the　flexing　door　like　somebody　walking　in　his　sleep。　Then　she　wavered　up　the　plank…walk　and　onto　the　porch；　and　the　ivy　rustled　for　a　minute　as　she　teetered　soddenly　against　it。　Then　she　went　on　toward　the　oblong　of　light　projected　by　the　open　doorway；　and　inside。　It　was　like　struggling　through　kneedeep　water。
　A　middle…aged　woman　met　her　in　the　hallway。
　〃Good　evening。　Are　you　Mrs。　Hazzard？　He's　in　here。〃
　She　took　her　to　a　room　on　the　left；　parted　an　old…fashioned　pair　of　sliding　doors。　He　was　standing　in　there；　with　his　back　to　them；　beside　an　old…fashioned　telephone…box　bracketed　to　the　wall。
　〃Here's　the　young　lady。　You　can　both　e　into　the　study　when　you're　ready。〃
　Patrice　drew　the　doors　together　behind　her　again。　〃Steve；〃　she　said。
　He　turned　around　and　looked　at　her；　then　turned　back　again。
　〃Don't…you'll　kill　her；〃　she　pleaded。
　〃The　old　all　die　sooner　or　later。〃
　〃Has　it　gone　through　yet？〃
　〃They're　ringing　Caulfield　for　me　now。〃
　It　wasn't　any　sleight…of…hand　trick。　His　finger　wasn't　anywhere　near　the　receiver…hook；　holding　it　shut　down。　He　was　in　the　act　of　carrying　it　out。
　A　choking　sound　broke　in　her　throat。
　He　looked　around　again；　less　fully　than　before。　〃Have　you　decided　once　and　for　all？〃
　She　didn't　nod；　she　simply　let　her　eyelids　drop　closed　for　a　minute。
　〃Operator；〃　he　said；　〃cancel　that　call。　It　was　a　mistake。〃　He　replaced　the　receiver。
　She　felt　a　little　sick　and　dizzy；　as　when　you've　just　looked　down　from　some　great　height　and　then　drawn　back　again。
　He　went　over　to　the　sliding…doors　and　swung　them　vigorously　back。
　〃We're　ready；〃　he　called　into　the　study　across　the　hall。
　He　crooked　his　arm　toward　her；　backhand；　contemptuously　tilting　up　his　elbow　for　her　to　take；　without　even　looking　around　at　her　as　he　did　so。
　She　came　forward　and　they　went　toward　the　study　together；　her　arm　linked　in　his。　Into　where　the　man　was　waiting　to　marry　them。
　
　
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　It　was　on　the　way　back　that　she　knew　she　was　going　to　kill　him。　Knew　she　must；　knew　it　was　the　only　thing　left　to　be　done　now。　She　should　have　done　it　sooner；　she　told　herself。　Long　before　this；　that　first　night　as　she　sat　with　him　in　his　car。　It　would　have　been　that　much　better。　Then　this；　tonight's　ultimate　horror　and　degradation；　would　at　least　have　been　avoided。　She　hadn't　thought　of　it　then；　that　was　the　one　thing　that　had　never　occurred　to　her。　It　had　always　been　flight；　escape　from　him　in　some　other　way；　never　safety　in　this　way…his　removal。
　But　she　knew　she　was　going　to　do　it；　now。　Tonight。
　Not　a　word　had　passed　between　them；　all　this　way；　ever　since　leaving　the　justice's　house。　Why　should　one？　What　was　there　to　say？　What　was　there　to　do；　now…except　this　one　final　thing；　that　came　to　her　opposite　a　white…stockinged　telegraph…pole；　about　four　miles　out　of　Hastings。　Just　like　that　it　came：　click；　snap；　and　it　was　there。　As　though　she　had　passed　through　some　electric…eye　beam　stretched　across　the　road；　there　from　that　particular　telegraph…pole。　On　the　one　side　of　it；　still；　just　passive　despair；　fatalism。　On　the　other；　full…grown　decision；　remorseless；　irrevocable：　I'm　going　to　kill　him。　Tonight。　Before　this　night　ends；　before　the　light　es　again。
　Neither　of　them　said　anything。　He　didn't；　because　he　was　content。　He'd　done　what　he'd　set　out　to　do。　He　did　whistle　lightly；　once；　for　a　short　while；　but　then　he　stopped　that　again。　She　didn't　say　anything；　because　she　was　undone。　Destroyed；　in　the　fullest　sense　of　the　word。　She'd　never　felt　like　this　before。　She　didn't　even　feel　pain　of　mind　any　more。　Struggle　was　ended。　She　was　numb　now。　She'd　even　had　more　feeling　left　in　her　after　the　train…crash　than　now。
　She　rode　all　the　way　with　her　eyes　held　shut。　Like　a　woman　returning　from　a　funeral；　at　which　everything　worth　keeping　has　been　interred；　and　to　whom　nothing　left　above　ground　is　worth　looking　at　any　longer。
　She　heard　him　speak　at　last　〃There；　was　that　so　bad？〃　he　said。
　She　answered　him　mechanically；　without　opening　her　eyes。
　〃Where　are　you…？　What　do　you　want　me　to　do　now？〃
　〃Exactly　nothing。　You　go　on　just　as　you　were　before。　This　is　something　between　the　two　of　us。　And　I　want　it　to　stay　that　way；　understand？　Not　a　word　to　the　Family。　Not　until　I'm　ready。　It'll　be　Our　Little　Secret；　yours　and　mine。〃
　He　was　afraid　if　he　took　her　with　him　openly；　they'd　change　the　will；　she　supposed。　And　afraid　if　he　left　her　with　them；　and　they　learned　of　it；　they'd　have　it　annulled　for　her。
　How　did　you　kill　a　man？　There　was　nothing　here；　no　way。　The　country　was　flat；　the　road　level；　straight。　If　she　snatched　at　the　wheel；　tried　to　throw　the　car　out　of　control；　nothing　much　would　happen。　You　needed　steep　places；　hairbreadth　turns。　And　the　car　was　only　trundling　along；　not　going　fast。　It　would　only　roll　off　into　the　dirt　maybe；　strike　a　telegraph…pole；　shake　them　up　a　little。
　Besides；　even　if　that　had　been　the　feasible　way；　she　didn't　want　to　die　with　him。　She　only　wanted　him　to　die。　She　had　a　child　she　was　devoted　to；　a　man　she　loved。　She　wanted　to　live。　She'd　always　had　an　unquenchable　will　to　live；　all　her　life；　she　still　had　it　now。　Numbed　as　she　was；　it　was　still　flickering　stubbornly　inside　her。　Nothing　could　put　it　out；　or…she　would　already　have　contemplated　another　alternative；　probably；　before　now。
　Oh　God；　she　cried　out　in　her　mind；　if　I　only　had　a…
　And　in　that　instant；　she　knew　how　to　do　it。　Knew　how　she　was　going　to　do　it。　For　the　next　word…symbol　flashing　before　her　senses　was　〃gun；〃　and　as　it　appeared　it　brought　its　own　answer　to　the　plea。
　In　the　library；　at　home。　There　was　one　in　there；　somewhere。
　A　brief　scene　came　back　to　mind；　from　many　months　ago。　Buried　until　now；　to　suddenly　reappear；　as　clear　as　if　it　had　just　taken　place　a　moment　ago。　The　reading…lamp；　fortably　lit　and　casting　its　cheerful　glow。　Father　Hazzard；　sitting　there　by　it；　lingering　late　over　a　book。　The　others　gone　to　bed；　all　but　herself。　She　the　last　one　to　leave　him。　A　brief　kiss　on　his　forehead。
　〃Shall　I　lock　up　for　you？〃
　〃No；　you　run　along。　I　will；　in　a　moment〃
　〃You　won't　forget；　though？〃
　〃No；　I　won't　forget。〃　And　then　he'd　chuckled；　in　that　dry　way　of　his：　〃Don't　be　nervous；　I'm　well…protected　down　here。　There's　a　revolver　in　one　of　the　drawers　right　by　me　here。　We　keep　it　specially　for　burglars。　That　was　Mother's　idea；　once；　years　ago…and　there　hasn't　been　hide　nor　hair　of　one　in　all　the　time　since。〃
　She'd　laughed　at　this　melodramatic　drollery；　and　told　him　quite　truthfully　〃It　wasn't　prowlers　I　was　thinking　of；　but　a　sudden　rainstorm　in　the　middle　of　the　night　and　Mother's　best　drapes。〃
　She'd　laughed。　But　now　she　didn't。
　Now　she　knew　where　there　was　a　gun。
　You　crooked　your　finger　through。　You　pulled。　And　you　had　peace；　you　had　safety。
　They　stopped；　and　she　heard　the　car…door　beside　her　clack　open。　She　raised　her　eyes。　They　were　in　a　leafy　tunnel　of　the　street　trees。　She　r