new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第50部分
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I stepped back out； and shut the door quietly behind me。
Billy stared with curious； guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front
room。
〃I think I'll let him get some rest。〃
Billy nodded； and then we gazed at each other for a minute。 I was dying to ask
him about his part in this。
What did he think of what his son had bee？ But I knew how he'd supported
Sam from the very
beginning； and so I supposed the murders must not bother him。 How he justified
that to himself I couldn't
imagine。
I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes； but he didn't voice them
either。
〃Look；〃 I said； breaking the loud silence。 〃I'll be down at the beach for a
while。 When he wakes up； tell
him I'm waiting for him； okay？〃
〃Sure； sure；〃 Billy agreed。
I wondered if he really would。 Well； if he didn't； I'd tried； right？
I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot。 It was still
dark—the gloomy predawn of a
cloudy day—and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see。 I had to let my
eyes adjust before I could
find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds。 It was colder here；
with the wind whipping off the
black water； and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my winter jacket。
At least the rain had
stopped。
I paced down the beach toward the north seawall。 I couldn't see St。 James or
the other islands； just the
vague shape of the water's edge。 I picked my way carefully across the rocks；
watching out for driftwood
that might trip me。
I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it。 It
materialized out of the gloom when
it was just a few feet away： a long bone…white driftwood tree stranded deep on
the rocks。 The roots
twisted up at the seaward end； like a hundred brittle tentacles。 I couldn't be
sure that it was the same tree
where Jacob and I had had our first conversation—a conversation that had
begun so many different；
tangled threads of my life—but it seemed to be in about the same place I sat
down where I'd sat before；
and stared out across the invisible sea。
Seeing Jacob like that—innocent and vulnerable in sleep—had stolen all my
revulsion； dissolved all my
anger。 I still couldn't turn a blind sye to what was happening； like Billy
seemed to； but I couldn't condemn
Jacob for it either。 Love didn't work that way； I decided。 Once you cared
about a person； it was
impossible to be logical about them anymore。 Jacob was my friend whether he
killed people or not。 And
I didn't know what I was going to do about that。
When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully； I felt an overpowering urge to
protect him。 pletely
illogical。
Illogical or not； I brooded over the memory his peaceful face； trying to e
up with some answer； some
way to shelter him； while the sky slowly turned gray。
〃Hi；Bella。〃
Jacob's voice came from the darkness and made me jump。 It was soft； almost
shy； but I'd been expecting
some forewarning from the noisy rocks； and so it still startled me。 I could
see his silhouette against the
ing sunrise—it looked enormous。
〃Jake？〃
He stood several paces away； shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously。
〃Billy told me you came by—didn't take you very long； did it？ I knew you
could figure it out。〃
〃Yeah； I remember the right story now；〃 I whispered。
It was quiet for a long moment and； though it was still too dark to see well；
my skin prickled as if his eyes
were searching my face。 There must have been enough light for him to read my
expression； because
when he spoke again； his voice was suddenly acidic。
〃You could have just called；〃 he said harshly。
I nodded。 〃I know。〃
Jacob started pacing along the rocks。 If I listened very hard； I could just
hear the gentle brush of his feet
on the rocks behind the sound of the waves。 The rocks had clattered like
castanets for me。
〃Why did you e？〃 he demanded； not halting his angry stride。
〃I thought it would be better face…to…face。〃
He snorted。 〃Oh； much better。〃
〃Jacob； I have to warn you—〃
〃About the rangers and the hunters？ Don't worry about it。 We already know。〃
〃Don't worry about it？〃 I demanded in disbelief。 〃Jake； they've got guns！
They're setting traps and
offering rewards and—〃
〃We can take care of ourselves；〃 he growled； still pacing。 〃They're not going
to catch anything。 They're
only making it more difficult—they'll start disappearing soon enough； too。〃
〃Jake！〃 I hissed。
〃What？ It's just a fact。〃
My voice was pale with revulsion。 〃How can you feel that way？ You know these
people。 Charlie's out
there！〃 The thought made my stomach twist。
He came to an abrupt stop。 〃What more can we do？〃 he retorted。
The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us。 I could see his expression
now； it was angry；
frustrated； betrayed。
〃Could you well； try to not be a werewolf？〃 I suggested in a whisper。
He threw his hands up in the air。 〃Like I have a choice about it！〃 he shouted。
〃And how would that help
anything； if you're worried about people disappearing？〃
〃I don't understand you。〃
He glared at me； his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl。 〃You
know what makes me so
mad I could just spit？〃
I flinched away from his hostile expression。 He seemed to be waiting for an
answer； so I shook my head。
〃You're such a hypocrite； Bella—there you sit； terrified of me！ How is that
fair？〃 His hands shook with
anger。
〃Hypocrite？ How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite？〃
〃Ugh！〃 he groaned； pressing his trembling fists to his temples and squeezing
his eyes shut。 〃Would you
listen to yourself？〃
〃What？〃
He took two steps toward me； leaning over me and glaring with fury。 〃Well； I'm
so sorry that I can't be
the right kind of monster for you； Bella。 I guess I'm just not as great as a
bloodsucker； am I？〃
I jumped to my feet and glared back。 〃No； you're not！〃 I shouted。 〃It's not
what you are； stupid； it's what
you do！〃
〃What's that supposed to mean？〃 He roared； his entire frame quivering with
rage。
I was taken entirely by surprise when Edward's voice cautioned me。 〃Be very
careful； Bella；〃 his velvet
voice warned。 〃Don't push him too far。 You need to calm him down。〃
Even the voice in my head was making no sense today。
I listened to him； though。 I would do anything for that voice。
〃Jacob；〃 I pleaded； making my tone soft and even。 〃Is it really necessary to
kill people； Jacob？ Isn't there
some other way？ I mean； if vampires can find a way to survive without
murdering people； couldn't you
give it a try； too？〃
He straightened up with a jerk； like my words had sent an electric shock
through him。 His eyebrows shot
up and his eyes stared wide。
〃Killing people？〃 he demanded。
〃What did you think we were talking about？〃
He wasn't trembling anymore。 He looked at me with half…hopeful disbelief。 〃I
thought we were talking
about your disgust for werewolves。〃
〃No； Jake； no。 It's not that you're a wolf。 That's fine；〃 I promised him；
and I knew as I said the words
that I meant them。 I really didn't care if he turned into a big wolf—he was
still Jacob。 〃If you could just
find a way not to hurt people that's all that upsets me。 These ate innocent
people； Jake； people like
Charlie； and I can't just look the other way while you—〃
〃Is that all？ Really？〃 he interrupted me； a smile breaking across his face。
〃You're just scared because I'm
a murderer？ That's the only reason？〃
〃Isn't that reason enough？〃
He started to laugh。
〃Jacob Black； this is so notfunny！〃
〃Sure； sure；〃 he agreed； still chortling。
He took one long stride and caught me in another vice…tight bear hug。
〃You really； honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog？〃 he asked； his
voice joyful in my ear。
〃No；〃 I gasped。 〃Can't—breathe—Jake！〃
He let me go； but took both my hands。 〃I'm not a killer； Bella。〃
I studied his face； and it was clear that this was the truth。 Relief pulsed
through me。
〃Really？〃 I asked。
〃Really；〃 he promised solemnly。
I threw my arms around him。 It reminded me of that first day with the
motorcycles—he was bigger；
though； and I felt even more like a child no
