一无所有-第2部分
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he rockets； vast black tunnels overhead。 A siren whooped in warning； far across the field。 First one person and then another started back towards the gate。 Nobody stopped them。 Within ten minutes the field was clear； the crowd scattered out along the road to Abbenay。 Nothing appeared to have happened； after all。
Inside the Mindful a great deal was happening。 Since Ground Control had pushed launch time up； all routines had to be rushed through in double time。 The captain had ordered that the passenger be strapped down and locked in； in the crew lounge； along with the doctor； to get them out from underfoot There was a screen in there； they could watch the liftoff if they liked。
The passenger watched。 He saw the field； and the wall around the field； and far outside the wall the distant slopes of the Ne Theras； speckled with scrub holum and sparse； silvery moonthom。
All this suddenly rushed dazzling down the screen。 The passenger felt his head pressed back against the padded rest。 It was like a dentist's examination； the head pressed back； the jaw forced open。 He could not get his breath； he felt sick； he felt bis bowels loosen with fear。 His whole body cried out to the enormous forces that had taken hold of him。 Not now； not yet； wait！
His eyes saved him。 What they insisted on seeing and reporting to him took him out of the autism of terror。 For on the screen now was a strange sight； a great pallid plain of stone。 It was the desert seen from the mountains above Grand Valley。 How had he got back to Grand Valley？ He tried to tell himself that he was in an airship。 No； in a spaceship。 The edge of the plain flashed with the brightness of light on water； light across a distant sea。 There was no water in those deserts。 What was he seeing； then？ The stone plain was no longer plane but hollow； like a huge bowl full of sunlight。 As he watched in wonder it grew shallower； spilling out its light All at once a line broke across it； abstract； geometric； the perfect section of a circle。 Beyond that arc was blackness。 This blackness reversed the whole picture； made it negative。 The real； the stone part of it was no longer concave and full of light but convex； reflecting； rejecting light。 It was not a plain or a bowl but a sphere； a ball of white stone falling down in blackness； falling away。 It was his world。
〃I don't understand；〃 he said aloud。
Someone answered him。 For a while he failed to prehend that the person standing by his chair was speaking to him； answering him； for he no longer understood what an answer is。 He was clearly aware of only one thing； his own total isolation。 The world bad fallen out from under him； and be was left alone。
He had always feared that this would happen； more than he had ever feared death。 To die is to lose the self and rejoin the rest。 He had kept himself； and lost the rest
He was able at last to look up at the man standing beside him。 It was a stranger； of course。 From now on there would be only strangers。 He was speaking in a foreign language： lotic。 The words made sense。 All the little things made sense； only the whole thing did not。 The man was saying something about the straps that held him into the chair。 He fumbled at them。 The chair swung upright； and he nearly fell out of if being giddy and off balance。 The man kept asking if someone had been hurt。 Who was he talking about？ 〃Is he sure he didn't get hurt？〃 The polite form of direct address in lotic was in the third person。 The man meant him； himself。 He did not know why he should have been hurt； the man kept saying something about throwing rocks。 But the rock will never hit； he thought。 He looked back at the screen for the rock； the white stone falling down in darkness； but the screen had gone blank。
〃I am well〃 he said at last； at random。
It did not appease the man。 〃Please e with me。 I'm a doctor。〃
〃I am well。〃
〃Please e with me； Dr。 Shevek！〃
〃You are a doctor；〃 Shevek said after a pause。 〃I am not。 I am called Shevek。〃
The doctor； a short； fair； bald man； grimaced with anxiety。 〃You should be in your cabin； sir—danger of infection—you weren't to be in contact with anybody but me； I've been through two weeks of disinfection for nothing； God damn that captain！ Please e with me； sir。 I'll be held responsible—〃
Shevek perceived that the little man was upset He felt no punction； no sympathy； but even where he was； in absolute solitude； the one law held； the one law he had ever acknowledged。 〃All right；〃 he said； and stood up。
He still felt dizzy； and his right shoulder hurt。 He knew the ship must be moving； but there was no sense of motion； there was only a silence； an awful； utter silence； just outside the walls。 The doctor led him through silent metal corridors to a room。
It was a very small room； with seamed； blank walls。 It repelled Shevek； reminding him of a place he did not want to remember。 He stopped in the doorway。 But the doctor urged and pleaded； and he went on in。
He sat down on the shelflike bed； still feeling lightheaded and lethargic； and watched the doctor incuriously。 He felt he ought to be curious； this man was the first Urrasti he had ever seen。 But he was too tired。 He could have lain back and gone straight to sleep。
He had been up all the night before； going through his papers。 Three days ago he had seen Takver and the children off to PeaceandPlenty； and ever since then he had been busy； running out to the radio tower to exchange lastminute messages with people on Unas； discussing plans and possibilities with Bedap and the others。 All through those hurried days； ever since Takver left； he had felt not that he was doing all the things he did； but thatthey were doing him。 He had been in other people's bands。 His own will had not acted。 It had had no need to act。 It was his own will that had started it all； that had created this moment and these walls about him now。 How long ago？ Years。 Five years ago； in the silence of night in Chakar in tke mountains； when he had said to Takver； 〃I will go to Abbenay and unbuild walls。〃 Before then； even； long before； in the Dust； in the years of famine and despair； when he had promised himself that he would never act again but by his own free choice。 And following that promise he had brought himself here： to this moment without time； this place without an earth； this little room； this prison。
The doctor had examined his bruised shoulder （the bruise puzzled Shevek； he had been too tense and hurried to realize what had been going on at the landing field； and had never felt the rock strike him）。 Now be turned to him holding a hypodermic needle。
〃I do not want that；〃 Shevek said。 His spoken lotic was slow； and； as he knew from the radio exchanges； badly pronounced； but it was grammatical enough； he had more difficulty understanding than speaking。
〃This is measles vaccine。〃 said the doctor； professionally deaf。
〃No；〃 Shevek said。
The doctor chewed his lip for a moment and said； 〃Do you know what measles is； sir？〃
〃No。〃
〃A disease。 Contagious。 Often severe in adults。 You don't have it on Anarres； prophylactic measures kept it out when the pla was settled。 It's mon on Urras。 It could kill you。 So could a dozen other mon viral infections。 You have no resistance。 Are you righthanded； sir？〃
Shevek automatically shook his head。 With the grace of a prestidigitator the doctor slid the needle into his right arm。 Shevek submitted to this and other injections in silence。 He had no right to suspicion or protest。 He had yielded himself up to these people； he had given up his birthright of decision。 It was gone； fallen away from him along with bis world； the world of the Promise； the barren stone。
The doctor spoke again； but he did not listen。
For hours or days he existed in a vacancy； a dry and wretched void without past or future。 The walls stood tight about him。 Outside them was the silence。 His arms and buttocks ached from injections； he ran a fever that never quite heightened to delirium but left him in a limbo between reason and unreason； no man's land。 Time did not pass。 There was no time。 He was time： he only。 He was the river； the arrow； the stone。 But he did not move。 The thrown rock hung still at midpoint。 There was no day
