一无所有-第35部分

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Shevek　looked　at　his　friend　and　said；　blurted　out；　what　he　had　never　been　able　to　say　clearly　to　himself：　〃I've　thought　of　suicide。　A　good　deal。　This　year。　It　seems　the　best　way。〃

〃It's　hardly　the　way　to　e　out　on　the　other　side　of　suffering。〃

Shevek　smiled　stiffly。　〃You　remember　that？〃

〃Vividly。　It　was　a　very　important　conversation　to　me。　And　to　Takver　and　Tirin；　I　think。〃

〃Was　it？〃　Shevek　stood　up。　There　was　only　four　steps'　pacing　room；　but　he　could　not　hold　still。　〃It　was　important　to　me　then；〃　he　said；　standing　at　the　window。　〃But　I've　changed；　here。　There's　something　wrong　here。　I　don't　know　what　it　is。〃

〃I　do；〃　Bedap　said。　〃The　wall。　You've　e　up　against　the　wall。〃

Shevek　turned　with　a　frightened　look。　〃The　wall？〃

〃In　your　case；　the　wall　seems　to　be　Sabul；　and　his　supporters　in　the　science　syndicates　and　the　PDC。　As　for　me；　I've　been　in　Abbenay　four　decads。　Forty　days。　Long　enough　to　see　that　in　forty　years　here　I'll　acplish　nothing；　nothing　at　all；　of　what　I　want　to　do；　the　improvement　of　science　instruction　in　the　learning　centers。　Unless　things　are　changed。　Or　unless　I　join　the　enemies。〃

〃Enemies？〃

'The　little　men。　Sabul's　friends！　The　people　in　power。〃

〃What　are　you　talking　about。　Dap？　We　have　no　power　structure。〃

〃No？　What　makes　Sabul　so　strong？〃

〃Not　a　power　structure；　a　government。　This　isn't　Urras；　after　all！〃

〃No。　We　have　no　government；　no　laws；　all　right。　But　as　far　as　I　can　see；　ideas　never　were　controlled　by　laws　and　governments；　even　on　Urras。　If　they　had　been；　how　would　Odo　have　worked　out　hers？　How　would　Odonianism　have　bee　a　world　movement？　The　archists　tried　to　stamp　it　out　by　force；　and　failed。　You　can't　crush　ideas　by　suppressing　them。　You　can　only　crush　them　by　ignoring　them。　By　refusing　to　think；　refusing　to　change。　And　that's　precisely　what　our　society　is　doing！　Sabul　uses　you　where　he　can；　and　where　he　can't；　he　prevents　you　from　publishing；　from　teaching；　even　from　working。　Right？　In　other　words；　he　has　power　over　you。　Where　does　he　get　it　from？　Not　from　vested　authority；　there　isn't　any。　Not　from　intellectual　excellence；　he　hasn't　any。　He　gets　it　from　the　innate　cowardice　of　the　average　human　mind。　Public　opinion！　That's　the　power　structure　he's　part　of；　and　knows　how　to　use。　The　unadmitted；　inadmissible　government　that　rules　the　Odonian　society　by　stifling　the　individual　mind。〃

Shevek　leaned　his　hands　on　the　window　sill；　looking　through　the　dim　reflections　on　the　pane　into　the　darkness　outside。　He　said　at　last；　〃Crazy　talk；　Dap。〃

〃No；　brother；　I'm　sane。　What　drives　people　crazy　is　trying　to　live　outside　reality。　Reality　is　terrible。　It　can　kill　you。　Given　time；　it　certainly　will　kill　you。　The　reality　is　pain　—　you　said　that！　But　it's　the　lies；　the　evasions　of　reality；　that　drive　you　crazy。　It's　the　lies　that　make　you　want　to　kill　yourself。〃

Shevek　turned　around　to　face　him。　〃But　you　can't　seriously　talk　of　a　government；　here！〃

〃Tomar's　Definitions：　'Government：　The　legal　use　of　power　to　maintain　and　extend　power。'　Replace　'legal'　with　'customary；'　and　you've　got　Sabul；　and　the　Syndicate　of　Instruction；　and　the　PDC。〃

〃The　PDC！〃

〃The　PDC　is；　by　now；　basically　an　archistic　bureaucracy。〃

After　a　moment　Shevek　laughed；　not　quite　naturally；　and　said；　〃Well；　e　on；　Dap；　this　is　amusing；　but　it's　a　bit　diseased；　isn't　it？〃

〃Shev；　did　you　ever　think　that　what　the　analogic　mode　calls　'disease；'　social　disaffection；　discontent；　alienation；　that　this　might　analogically　also　be　called　pain　—　what　you　meant　when　you　talked　about　pain；　suffering？　And　that；　like　pain；　it　serves　a　function　in　the　anism？〃

〃No！〃　Shevek　said；　violently。　〃I　was　talking　in　personal；　in　spiritual　terms。〃

〃But　you　spoke　of　physical　suffering；　of　a　man　dying　of　bums。　And　I　speak　of　spiritual　suffering！　Of　people　seeing　their　talent；　their　work；　their　lives　wasted。　Of　good　minds　submitting　to　stupid　ones。　Of　strength　and　courage　strangled　by　envy；　greed　for　power；　fear　of　change。　Change　is　freedom；　change　is　life　—　is　anything　more　basic　to　Odonian　thought　than　that？　But　nothing　changes　any　more！　Our　society　is　sick。　You　know　it。　You're　suffering　its　sickness。　Its　suicidal　sickness！〃

〃That's　enough。　Dap。　Drop　it。〃

Bedap　said　no　more。　He　began　to　bite　his　thumbnail；　methodically　and　thoughtfully。

Shevek　sat　down　again　on　the　bed　platform　and　put　his　head　in　his　hands。　There　was　a　long　silence。　The　snow　had　ceased。　A　dry；　dark　wind　pushed　at　the　windowpane。　The　room　was　cold；　neither　of　the　young　men　had　taken　off　his　coat。

〃Look；　brother；〃　Shevek　said　at　last。　〃It's　not　our　society　that　frustrates　individual　creativity。　It's　the　poverty　of　Anarres。　This　pla　wasn't　meant　to　support　civilization。　If　we　let　one　another　down；　if　we　don't　give　up　our　personal　desires　to　the　mon　good；　nothing；　nothing　on　this　barren　world　can　save　us。　Human　solidarity　is　our　only　resource。〃

〃Solidarity；　yes！　Even　on　Urras；　where　food　falls　out　of　the　trees；　even　there　Odo　said　that　human　solidarity　is　our　one　hope。　But　we've　betrayed　that　hope。　We've　let　cooperation　bee　obedience。　On　Urras　they　have　government　by　the　minority。　Here　we　have　government　by　the　majority。　But　it　is　government！　The　social　conscience　isn't　a　living　thing　any　more；　but　a　machine；　a　power　machine；　controlled　by　bureaucrats！〃

〃You　or　I　could　volunteer　and　be　lotteryposted　to　PDC　within　a　few　decads。　Would　that　turn　us　into　bureaucrats；　bosses？〃

〃It's　not　the　individuals　posted　to　PDC；　Shev。　Most　of　them　are　like　us。　All　too　much　like　us。　Wellmeaning；　naive。　And　it's　not　just　PDC。　It's　anywhere　on　Anarrea。　Learning　centers；　institutes；　mines；　mills；　fisheries；　canneries；　agricultural　development　and　research　stations；　factories；　oneproduct　munities—anywhere　that　function　demands　expertise　and　a　stable　institution。　But　that　stability　gives　scope　to　the　authoritarian　impulse。　In　the　early　years　of　the　Settlement　we　were　aware　of　that；　on　the　lookout　for　it。　People　discriminated　very　carefully　then　between　administering　things　and　governing　people。　They　did　it　so　well　that　we　fot　that　the　will　to　dominance　is　as　central　in　human　beings　as　the　impulse　to　mutual　aid　is；　and　has　to　be　trained　in　each　individual；　in　each　new　generation。　Nobody's　born　an　Odonian　any　more　than　he's　born　civilized！　But　we've　fotten　that。　We　don't　educate　for　freedom。　Education；　the　most　important　activity　of　the　social　anism；　has　bee　rigid；　moralistic；　authoritarian。　Kids　leam　to　parrot　Odo's　words　as　if　they　were　laws　—　the　ultimate　blasphemy！〃

Shevek　hesitated。　He　had　experienced　too　much　of　the　kind　of　teaching　Bedap　was　talking　about；　as　a　child；　and　even　here　at　the　Institute；　to　be　able　to　deny　Bedap's　accusation。

Bedap　seized　his　advantage　relentlessly。　〃It's　always　easier　not　to　think　for　oneself。　Find　a　nice　safe　hierarchy　and　settle　in。　Don't　make　changes；　don't　risk　disapproval；　don't　upset　your　syndics。　It's　always　easiest　to　let　yourself　be　governed。〃

〃But　it's　not　government。　Dap！　The　experts　and　the　old　hands　are　going　to　manage　any　crew　or　syndicate；　they　know　the　work　best。　The　work　has　to　get　done；　after　all！　As　for　PDC；　yes；　it　might　bee　a　hierarchy；　a　power　structure；　if　it　weren't　anized　to　prevent　exactly　that。　Look　how　it's　set　up！　Volunteers；　selected　by　lot；　a　year　of　training；　then　four　years　as　a　Listing；　then　out。　Nobody　could　gain　power；　in　the　archist　sense；　in　a　system　like　that；　with　only　four　years　to　do　it　in。〃

〃Some　stay　on　longer　than　four　years。〃

〃Advisers？　They　don't　keep　the　vote。〃

〃Votes　aren't　important　There　are　people　behind　the　scenes—〃

〃e　on！　That's　sheer　paranoia！　Behind　the　scenes　—　how？　What　scenes？　Anybody　can　attend　any　PDC　meeting；　and　if　he's　an　interested　syndic；　he　can　debate　and　vote！　Are　you　trying　to　pretend　that　we　have　politicians　here？〃　Shevek　was　furious　with　Bedap；　his　prominent　ears　were　scarlet；　his　voice　had　got　loud。　It　was　late；　not　a　light　showing　across　the　quadrangle。　Desar；　in　Room　45；　knocked　on　the　wall　for　quiet。

〃I'm　saying　what　you　know；〃　Bedap　replied　in　a　much　lowered　voice。　〃That　it's　people　like　Sabul　who　really　run　PDC；　and　run　it　year　after　year。〃

〃If　you　know　that；〃　Shevek　accused　in　a　harsh　whisper；　〃then　why　havent　yo