一无所有-第48部分

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trying　to　dissipate　his　anger　and　tension　in　watching　other　people。　But　they　were　also　behaving　very　emotionally；　for　loti　—　shouting；　laughing　loudly；　interrupting　each　other。　One　pair　was　indulging　in　sexual　foreplay　in　a　er。　Shevek　looked　away；　disgusted。　Did　they　egoize　even　in　sex？　To　caress　and　copulate　in　front　of　unpaired　people　was　as　vulgar　as　to　eat　in　front　of　hungry　people。　He　returned　his　attention　to　the　group　around　him。　They　were　off　prediction；　now；　and　onto　politics。　They　were　all　disputing　about　the　war；　about　what　Thu　would　do　next；　what　AIo　would　do　next；　what　the　CWG　would　do　next。

〃Why　do　you　talk　only　in　abstractions？〃　he　inquired　suddenly；　wondering　as　he　spoke　why　he　was　speaking；　when　he　had　resolved　not　to。　〃It　is　not　names　of　countries；　it　is　people　killing　each　other。　Why　do　the　soldiers　go？　Why　does　a　man　go　kill　strangers？〃

〃But　that's　what　soldiers　are　for；〃　said　a　little　fair　woman　with　an　opal　in　her　navel。　Several　men　began　to　explain　the　principle　of　national　sovereignty　to　Shevek。　Vea　interrupted；　〃But　let　him　talk。　How　would　you　solve　the　mess；　Shevek？〃

〃Solution's　in　plain　sight。〃

〃Where？〃

〃Anarres！〃

〃But　what　you　people　do　on　the　Moon　doesnt　solve　our
problems　here。〃

〃Man's　problem　is　all　the　same。　Survival。　Species；　group；　individual。〃

〃National　selfdefense—〃　somebody　shouted。

They　argued；　he　argued。　He　knew　what　he　wanted　to　say；　and　knew　it　must　convince　everyone　because　it　was　clear　and　true；　but　somehow　he　could　not　get　it　said　properly。　Everybody　shouted。　The　little　fair　woman　patted　the　broad　arm　of　the　chair　she　was　sitting　in；　and　be　sat　down　on　it。　Her　shaven；　silken　head　came　peering　up　under　his　arm。　〃Hello；　Moon　Man！〃　she　said。　Vea　had　joined　another　group　for　a　time；　but　now　was　back　near　him。　Her　face　was　flushed　and　her　eyes　looked　large
and　liquid。　He　thought　he　saw　Pae　across　the　room；　but　there　were　so　many　faces　that　they　blurred　together。　Things　happened　in　fits　and　starts；　with　blanks　in　between；　as　if　he　were　being　allowed　to　witness　the　operation　of　the　Cyclic　Cosmos　of　old　Gvarab's　hypothesis　from　behind　the　scenes。　〃The　principle　of　legal　authority　must　be　upheld；　or　we'll　degenerate　into　mere　anarchy'〃　thundered　a　fat；　frowning　man。　Shevek　said；　〃Yes；　yes；　degenerate！　We　have　enjoyed　it　for　one　hundred　and　fifty　years　now。〃　The　little　fair　woman's　toes；　in　silver　sandals；　peeped　out　from　under　her　skirt；　which　was　sewn　all　over　with　hundreds　and　hundreds　of　tiny　pearls。　Vea　said；　〃But　tell　us　about　Anarres　—　what's　it　really　like？　Is　it　so　wonderful
there　really？〃　

He　was　sitting　on　the　arm　of　the　chair；　and　Vea　was　curled　up　on　the　hassock　at　his　knees；　erect　and　supple；　her　soft　breasts　staring　at　him　with　their　blind　eyes；　her　face　smiling；　placent；　flushed。

Something　dark　turned　over　in　Shevek's　mind；　darkening　everything。　His　mouth　was　dry。　He　finished　the　glassful　the　waiter　had　just　poured　him。　〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said；　his　tongue　felt　half　paralyzed。　〃No。　It　is　not　wonderfuL　It　is　an　ugly　world。　Not　like　this　one。　Anarres　is　all　dust　and　dry　hills。　All　meager；　all　dry。　And　the　people　aren't　beautiful。　They　have　big　hands　and　feet；　like　me　and　the　waiter　there。　But　not　big　bellies。　They　get　very　dirty；　and　take　baths　together；　nobody　here　does　that。　The　towns　are　very　small　and　dull；　they　are　dreary。　No　palaces。　Life　is　dull；　and　hard　work。　You　can't　always　have　what　you　want；　or　even　what　you　need；　because　there　isn't　enough。　You　Urrasti　have　enough。　Enough　air；　enough　rain；　grass；　oceans；　food；　music；　buildings；　factories；　machines；　books；　clothes；　history。　You　are　rich；　you　own。　We　are　poor；　we　lack。　You　have；　we　do　not　have。　Everything　is　beautiful；　here。　Only　not　the　faces。　On　Anarres　nothing　is　beautiful；　nothing　but　the　faces。　The　other　faces；　the　men　and　women。　We　have　nothing　but　that；　nothing　but　each　other。　Here　you　see　the　jewels；　there　you　see　the　eyes。　And　in　the　eyes　you　see　the　splendor；　the　splendor　of　the　human　spirit　Because　our　men　and　women　are　free　—　possessing　nothing；　they　are　free。　And　you　the　possessors　are　possessed。　You　are　all　in　jail。　Each　alone；　solitary；　with　a　heap　of　what　he　owns。　You　live　in　prison；　die　in　prison。　It　is　all　I　can　see　in　your　eyes　—　the　wall；　the　wall！〃

They　were　all　looking　at　him。

He　heard　the　loudness　of　his　voice　still　ringing　in　the　silence；　felt　his　ears　burning。　The　darkness；　the　blankness；　turned　over　once　more　in　his　mind。　〃I　feel　dizzy；〃　he　said；　and　stood　up。

Vea　was　at　his　arm。　〃e　along　this　way；〃　she　said；　laughing　a　little　and　breathless。　He　followed　her　as　she　threaded　her　way　through　the　people。　He　now　felt　his　face　was　very　pale；　and　the　dizziness　did　not　pass；　he　hoped　she　was　taking　him　to　the　washroom；　or　to　a　window　where　he　could　breathe　fresh　air。　But　the　room　they　came　into　was　large　and　dimly　lit　by　reflection。　A　high；　white　bed　bulked　against　the　wall；　a　lookingglass　covered　half　another　wall。　There　was　a　close；　sweet　fragrance　of　draperies；　linens；　the　perfume　Vea　used。

〃You　are　too　much；〃　Vea　said。　bringing　herself　directly　before　him　and　looking　up　into　his　face；　in　the　dimness；　with　that　breathless　laugh。　〃Really　too　much　—　you　are　impossible　—　magnificent！〃　She　put　her　hands　on　his　shoulders。　〃Oh；　the　looks　on　their　faces！　I've　got　to　kiss　you　for　that！〃　And　she　lifted　herself　on　tiptoe；　presenting　him　her　mouth；　and　her　white　throat；　and　her　naked　breasts。

He　took　hold　of　her　and　kissed　her　mouth；　forcing　her　head　backward；　and　then　her　throat　and　breasts。　She　yielded　at　first　as　if　she　had　no　bones；　then　she　writhed　a　little；　laughing　and　pushing　weakly　at　him；　and　began　to　talk。　〃Oh；　no；　no；　now　behave；〃　she　said。　〃Now！　e　on；　we　do　have　to　go　back　to　the　party。　No；　Saevek；　now　calm　down；　this　won't　do　at　all！〃　He　paid　no　attention。　He　pulled　her　with　him　toward　the　bed；　and　she　came；　though　she　kept　talking。　He　fumbled　with　one　hand　at　the　plicated　clothes　he　was　wearing　and　managed　to　get　his　trousers　unfastened。　Then　there　was　Vea's　clothing；　the　lowslung　but　tightfitted　skirt　band；　which　he　could　not　loosen。　〃Now；　stop；〃　she　said。　〃No；　now　listen；　Shevek；　it
won't　do；　not　now。　I　haven't　taken　a　contraceptive；　if　I　got　stuffed　I'd　be　in　a　pretty　mess；　my　husband's　ing　back　in　two　weeksl　No；　let　me　be；〃　but　he　could　not　let　her　be；　his　face　was　pressed　against　her　soft；　sweaty；　scented　flesh。　〃Listen；　don't　mess　up　my　clothes；　people　will　notice；　for　heaven's　sake。　Wait　—　just　wait；　we　can　arrange　it；　we　can　fix　up　a　place　to　meet；　I　do　have　to　be　careful　of　my　reputation；　I　can't　trust　the　maid。　Just　wait；　not　now　—　Not　now！　Not　now！〃　Frightened　at　last　by　his　blind　urgency；　his　force；　she　pushed　at　him　as　hard　as　she　could；　her　hands　against　his　chest　He　took　a　step　backward；　confused　by　her　sudden　high　tone　of　fear　and　her　struggle；　but　he　could　not　stop；　her　resistance　excited　him　further。　He　gripped　her　to　him；　and　his　semen　spurted　out　against　the　white　silk　of　her　dress。

〃Let　me　go！　Let　me　go！〃　she　was　repeating　in　the　same　high　whisper。　He　let　her　go。　He　stood　dazed。　He　fumbled　at　his　trousers；　trying　to　dose　them。　〃I　am　—　sorry　—　I　thought　you　wanted—〃

〃For　God's　sake！〃　Vea　said；　looking　down　at　her　skirt　in　the　dim　light；　twitching　the　pleats　away　from　her。　〃Really！　Now　I'll　have　to　change　my　dress。〃

Shevek　stood；　his　mouth　open；　breathing　with　difficulty；　his　hands　hanging；　then　all　at　once　be　turned　and　blundered　out　of　the　dim　room。　Back　in　the　bright　room　of　the　party　he　stumbled　through　the　crowded　people；　tripped　over　a　leg；　found　his　way　blocked　by　bodies；　clothes；　jewels；　breasts；　eyes；　candle　flames；　furniture。　He　ran　up　against　a　table。　On　it　lay　a　silver　platter　on　which　tiny　pastries　stuffed　with　meat；　cream；　and　herbs　were　arranged　in　concentric　circles　like　a　huge　pale　flower。　Shevek　gasped　for　breath；　doubled　up；　and　vomited　all　over　the　platter。

〃Do　take　him　home；〃　Pae　said。

〃Do；　for　heaven's　sake；〃　said　Vea。　〃Were　you　looking　for　him；　Saio？〃

〃Oh；　a　bit。　Fortunately　Demaere　called　you。〃

〃You　are　certainly　wele　to　him。〃

〃He　won't　be　any　trouble。　Passed　out　in　the　hall。　May　I　use　your　phone　before　I　go？〃

〃Give　my　love　to　the　Chief；〃　Vea　said　archly。

Oiie　had　e