一无所有-第54部分
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be wiped out for days。 And would the next provisions train e； after those days？ And how much grain would be on it？ They gave nothing。
The travelers； having had nothing in the way of breakfast that day； thus fasted for sixty hours。 They did not get a meal until the line had been cleared and their train had run on a hundred and fifty miles to a station with a refectory stocked for passengers。
It was Shevek's first experience of hunger。 He had fasted sometimes when he was working because he did not want to be bothered with eating； but two full meals a day had always been available： constant as sunrise and sunset。 He had never even thought what it might be like to have to go without them。 Nobody in his society； nobody in the world； had to go without them。
While he got hungrier； while the train sat hour after hour on the siding between a scarred and dusty quarry and a shutdown mill； he had grim thoughts about the reality of hunger； and about the possible inadequacy of his society to e through a famine without losing the solidarity that was its strength。 It was easy to share when there was enough； even barely enough； to go round。 But when there was not enough？ Then force entered in； might making right； power； and its tool； violence； and its most devoted ally； the averted eye。
The passengers' resentment of the townsfolk got bitter； but it was less ominous than the behavior of the townsfolk — the way they hid behind 〃their〃 walls with 〃their〃 property； and ignored the train； never looked at it。 Shevek was not the only gloomy passenger； a long conversation meandered up and down beside the stopped cars； people dropping in and out of it； arguing and agreeing； all on the same general theme that his thoughts followed。 A raid on the truck gardens was seriously proposed； and bitterly debated； and might have been carried out； if the train had not hooted at last for departure。
But when at last it crawled into the station down the line； and they got a meal — a half loaf of holum bread and a bowl of soup — their gloom gave place to elation。 By the time you got to the bottom of the bowl you noticed that the soup was pretty thin； but the first taste of it； the first taste had been wonderful； worth fasting for。 They all agreed on that。 They got back into the train laughing and joking together。 They had seen each other through。
A trucktrain convoy picked up the Abbenay passengers at Equator Hill and brought them the last five hundred miles。 They came into the city late on a windy night of early autumn。 It was getting on for midnight； the streets were empty。 Wind flowed through them like a turbulent dry river。 Over dim street lamps the stars flared with a bright shaken light。 The dry storm of autumn and passion carried Shevek through the streets； half running； three miles to the northern quarter； alone in the dark city。 He took the three steps of the porchway in one； ran down the hall； came to the door； opened it。 The room was dark。 Stars bumed in the dark windows。 〃Takver！〃 he said； and heard the silence。 Before he turned on the lamp； there in the dark； in the silence； all at once； he learned what separation was。
Nothing was gone。 There was nothing to be gone。 Only Sadik and Takver were gone。 The Occupations of Uninhabited Space turned softly； gleaming a little； in the draft from the open door。
There was a letter on the table。 Two letters。 One from Takver。 It was brief； she had received an emergency posting to the estible Algae Experimental Development Laboratories in Northeast； for an indeterminate period。 She wrote：
I could not in conscience refuse now。 I went and talked to them at Divlab and also read their project sent in to Ecology at PDC； and it is true they need me because I have worked exactly on this algaecuiateshrimpkukuri cycle。 I requested at Divlab that you be posted to Rolny but of course they won't act on that until you also request it； and if this is not possible because of work at the Inst。 then you won't。 After all if it goes on too long I will tell them get another geicist； and e back！ Sadik is very well and can say yite for light。 It will not be very long。 All； for life； your sister； Takver。 Oh please e if you can。
The other note was scribbled on a tiny bit of paper：
〃Shevek： Physics off。 on yr return。 Sabul。〃
Shevek roamed around the room。 The storm； the impetus that had hurled him through the streets； was still in him。 It had e up against the wall。 He could go no further； yet he must move。 He looked in the closet。 Nothing was in it but his winter coat and a shirt which Takver； who liked fine handwork； had embroidered for him； her few clothes were gone。 The screen was folded back； showing the empty crib。 The sleeping platform was not made up； but the orange blanket covered the rolledup bedding neatly。 Shevek came up against the table again； read Takver's letter again。 His eyes filled with tears of anger。 A rage of disappointment shook him； a wrath； a foreboding。
No one was to blame。 That was the worst of it； Takver was needed； needed to work against hunger — hers； his； Sadik's hunger。 Society was not against them。 It was for them； with them； it was them。
But he had given up his book； and his love； and his child。 How much can a man be asked to give up？
〃Hell！〃 he said aloud。 Pravic was not a good swearing language。 It is hard to swear when sex is not dirty and blasphemy does not exist。 〃Oh； hell'〃 he repeated。 He crumpled up Sabul's grubby little note vindictively； and then brought his hands down clenched against the edge of the table； twice； three times； in his passion seeking pain。 But there was nothing。 There was nothing to be done and nowhere to be gone。 He was left at last with the bedding to unroll； with lying down alone and getting to sleep； with evil dreams and without fort。
First thing in the morning； Bunub knocked。 He met her at the door and did not stand aside to het her in。 She was their neighbor down the hall； a woman of fifty； a machinist in the Air Vehicle Engine factory。 Takver had always been entertained by her； but she infuriated Shevek。 For one thing； she wanted their room。 She had claimed it when it first came vacant； she said； but the enmity of the block housing registrar bad prevented her getting it。 Her room did not have the er window； the object of her undying envy。 It was a double； though； and she lived alone in it； which； given the housing shortage； was egoistic of her； but Shevek would never have wasted time on disapproving her if she had not forced him by making excuses。 She explained； explained。 She had a partner； a lifelong partner； 〃just like you two；〃 simper。 Only where was the partner？ Somehow he was always spoken of in the past tense。 Meanwhile the double room was pretty well justified by the succession of men that passed through Bunub's door； a different man every night； as if Bunub were a roaring girl of seventeen。 Takver observed the procession with admiration。 Bunub came and told her all about the men； and plained； plained。 Her not having the er room was only one among unnumbered grievances。 She had a mind both insidious and invidious； which could find the bad in anything and take it straight to her bosom。 The factory where she worked was a poisonous mass of inpetence； favoritism； and sabotage。 Meetings of her syndicate were bedlams of unrighteous innuendo all directed at her。 The entire social anism was dedicated to the persecution of Bunub。 All this made Takver laugh； sometimes wildly； right in Bunub's face。 〃Oh； Bunub； you are so funny！〃 she would gasp and the woman； with greying hair and a thin mouth and downcast eyes； would smile thinly； not offended； not at all； and continue her monstrous recitations。 Shevek knew that Takver was right to laugh at her； but he could not do it。
〃It's terrible。〃 she said； slithering in past him and going straight to the table to read Takver's letter。 She picked it up； Shevek plucked it out of her hand with a calm rapidity she had not prepared for。 〃Perfectly terrible。 Not even a decad's notice。 Just； 'e here！ Right now！' And they say we're free people； we're supposed to be free people。 What a joke！ Breaking up a happy partnership that way。 That's why they did it； you know。 They're against partnerships； you can
