一无所有-第65部分

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；　when　it　es　to　figuring　out　that　difference。　At　least；　if　it's　a　woman　you're　trying　to　figure　out。　A　woman　won't　let　on　to　being　so　puzzled　by　a　man；　but　maybe　they　bluff。　。　。　。　Anyhow；　that's　the　pleasure　of　it。　The　puzzles　and　the　bluffs　and　the　rest　of　it。　The　variety。　Variety　doesn't　e　with　just　moving　around。　I　was　all　over　Anarres；　young。　Drove　and　loaded　in　every　Division。　Must　have　known　a　hundred　girls　in　different　towns。　It　got　boring。　I　came　back　here；　and　I　do　this　run　every　three　decads　year　in　year　out　through　this　same　desert　where　you　can't　ten　one　sandhill　from　the　next　and　it's　all　the　same　for　three　thousand　kilos　whichever　way　you　look；　and　go　home　to　the　same　partner　—　and　I　never　been　bored　once。　It　isn't　changing　around　from　place　to　place　that　keeps　you　lively。　It's　getting　time　on　your　side。　Working　with　it；　not　against　it〃

〃That's　it。〃　said　the　passenger。

〃Where's　the　partner？〃

〃In　Northeast　Pour　years　now。〃

〃That's　too　long；〃　the　driver　said。　〃You　should　have　been　posted　together。〃

〃Not　where　I　was。〃

〃Where's　that？〃

〃Elbow；　and　then　Grand　Valley。〃

〃I　heard　about　Grand　Valley。〃　He　now　looked　at　the　passenger　with　the　respect　due　a　survivor。　He　saw　the　dry　look　of　the　man's　tanned　skin；　a　kind　of　weathering　to　the　bone；　which　he　had　seen　in　others　who　had　e　through　the　famine　years　in　the　Dust　〃We　shouldn't　have　tried　to　keep　those　mills　running。〃

〃Needed　the　phosphates。〃

〃But　they　say；　when　the　provisions　train　was　stopped　in　Portal；　they　kept　the　mills　going；　and　people　died　of　hunger　on　the　Job。　Just　went　a　little　out　of　the　way　and　lay　down　and　died。　Was　it　like　that？〃

The　man　nodded。　He　said　nothing。　The　driver　pressed　no　further；　but　said　after　a　while；　〃I　wondered　what　I'd　do　if　my　train　ever　got　mobbed。〃

〃It　never　did？〃

〃No。　See；　I　don't　carry　foodstuff's；　one　truckload；　at　most；　for　Upper　Sedep。　This　is　an　ores　run。　But　if　I　got　on　a　provisions　run；　and　they　stopped　me；　what　would　I　do？　Run　'em　down　and　get　the　food　to　where　it　ought　to　go？　But　hell；　you　going　to　run　down　kids；　old　men？　They're　doing　wrong　but　you　going　to　kill　em　for　it？　I　don't　know！〃

The　straight　shining　rails　ran　under　the　wheels。　Clouds　in　the　west　laid　great　shivering　mirages　on　the　plain；　the　shadows　of　dreams　of　lakes　gone　dry　ten　million　years　ago。

〃A　syndic；　fellow　I've　known　for　years；　he　did　just　that；　north　of　here；　in　'66。　They　tried　to　take　a　grain　truck　off。　his　train。　He　backed　the　train；　killed　a　couple　of　them　before　they　cleared　the　track；　they　were　like　worms　in　rotten　fish；　thick；　he　said。　He　said；　there's　eight　hundred　people　waiting　for　that　grain　truck；　and　how　many　of　them　might　die　if　they　don't　get　it？　More　than　a　couple；　a　lot　more。　So　it　looks　like　he　was　right　But　by　damn！　I　can't　add　up　figures　like　that　I　don't　know　if　its　right　to　count　people　like　you　count　numbers。　But　then；　what　do　you　do？　Which　ones　do　you　kill？〃

〃The　second　year　I　was　in　Elbow；　I　was　worklister；　the　mill　syndicate　cut　rations。　People　doing　six　hours　in　the　plant　got　full　rations　—　just　barely　enough　for　that　kind　of　work。　People　on　half　time　got　threequarter　rations。　　If　they　were　sick　or　too　weak　to　work；　they　got　half。　On　half　rations　you　couldnt　get　well。　You　couldn't　get　back　to　work。　You　might　stay　alive。　I　was　supposed　to　put　people　on　half　rations；　people　that　were　already　sick。　I　was　working　full　time；　eight；　ten　hours　sometimes；　desk　work；　so　I　got　full　rations：　I　earned　them；　I　earned　them　by　making　lists　of　who　should　starve。〃　The　man's　light　eyes　looked　ahead　into　the　dry　light。　〃Like　you　said；　I　was　to　count　people。〃

〃You　quit？〃

〃Yes；　I　quit。　Went　to　Grand　Valley。　But　somebody　else　took　over　the　lists　at　the　mills　in　Elbow。　There's　always　somebody　willing　to　make　lists。〃

〃Now　that's　wrong；〃　the　driver　said；　scowling　into　the　glare。　He　had　a　bald　brown　face　and　scalp；　no　hair　left　between　cheeks　and　occiput；　though　he　wasn't　past　his　middle　forties。　It　was　a　strong；　hard；　and　innocent　face。　〃That's　dead　wrong。　They　should　have　shut　the　mills　down。　You　can't　ask　a　man　to　do　that。　Aren't　we　Odonians？　A　man　can　lose　kis　temper；　all　right　That's　what　the　people　who　mobbed　trains　did。　They　were　hungry；　the　kids　were　hungry；　been　hungry　too　long；　there's　food　ing　through　and　its　not　for　you。　you　lose　your　temper　and　go　for　it。　Same　thing　with　the　friend；　those　people　were　taking　apart　the　train　he　was　in　charge　of；　lie　lost　his　temper　and　put　it　in　reverse。　He　didn't　count　any　noses。　Not　then！　Later；　maybe。　Because　he　was　sick　when　he　saw　what　he'd　done。　But　what　they　had　you　doing；　saying　this　one　lives　and　that　one　dies　—　that's　not　a　Job　a　person　has　a　right　to　do；　or　ask　anybody　else　to　do。〃

〃It's　been　a　bad　time；　brother；〃　the　passenger　said　gently；　watching　the　glaring　plain　where　the　shadows　of　water　wavered　and　drifted　with　the　wind。

The　old　cargo　dirigible　wallowed　over　the　mountains　and　moored　in　at　the　airport　on　Kidney　Mountain。　Three　passengers　got　off　there。　Just　as　the　last　of　them　touched　ground；　the　ground　picked　itself　up　and　bucked。　〃Earthquake；〃　he　remarked；　he　was　a　local　ing　home。　〃Damn；　look　at　that　dust！　Someday　we'll　e　down　here　and　there　wont　be　any　mountain。〃

Two　of　the　passengers　chose　to　wait　till　the　trucks　were　loaded　and　ride　with　them。　Shevek　chose　to　walk；　since　the　local　said　that　Chakar　was　only　about　six　kilometers　down　the　mountain。

The　road　went　in　a　series　of　long　curves　with　a　short　rise　at　the　end　of　each。　The　rising　slopes　to　the　left　of　the　road　and　the　falling　slopes　to　tke　right　were　thick　with　scrub　holum；　Hues　of　tall　tree　holum；　spaced　Just　as　if　they　had　been　planted；　followed　veins　of　ground　water　along　the　mountainsides。　At　the　crest　of　a　rise　Shevek　saw　the　clear　gold　of　sunset　above　the　dark　and　manyfolded　hills。　There　was　no　sign　of　mankind　here　except　the　road　itself；　going　down　into　shadow。　As　he　started　down；　the　air　grumbled　a　little　and　he　felt　a　strangeness：　no　yHt；　no　tremor；　but　a　displacement；　a　conviction　that　things　were　wrong。　He　pleted　the　step　he　had　been　making；　and　the　ground　was　there　to　meet　his　foot　He　went　on；　the　road　stayed　lying　down。　He　had　been　in　no　danger；　but　he　had　never　in　any　danger　known　himself　so　close　to　death。　Death　was　in　him；　under　him；　the　earth　itself　was　uncertain；　unreliable。　The　enduring；　the　reliable；　is　a　promise　made　by　the　human　mind。　Shevek　felt　the　cold；　clean　air　In　his　mouth　and　lungs。　He　listened。　Remote；　a　mountain　torrent　thundered　somewhere　down　in　the　shadows。

He　came　in　the　late　dusk　to　Chakar。　The　sky　was　dark　violet　over　the　black　ridges。　Street　lamps　flared　bright　and　lonely。　Housefronts　looked　sketchy　in　the　artificial　light；　the　wilderness　dark　behind　them。　There　were　many　empty　lots；　many　single　houses：　an　old　town；　a　frontier　town；　isolated；　scattered。　A　woman　passing　directed　Shevek　to　Domicile　Eight：　〃That　way；　brother；　past　the　hospital；　the　end　of　the　street。〃　The　street　ran　into　the　dark　under　the　mountainside　and　ended　at　the　door　of　a　low　building。　He　entered　and　found　a　countrytown　domicile　foyer　that　took　him　back　to　his　childhood；　to　the　places　in　Liberty；　Drum　Mountain。　Wide　Plains；　where　he　and　his　father　had　lived；　the　dim　light；　the　patched　matting；　a　leaflet　describing　a　local　machinists　training　group；　a　notice　of　syndicate　meetings；　and　a　flyer　for　a　performance　of　a　play　three　decads　ago；　tacked　to　the　announcement　board；　a　framed　amateur　painting　of　Odo　in　prison　over　the　monroom　sofa；　a　homemade　harmonium；　a　list　of　residents　and　a　notice　of　hotwater　hours　at　the　town　baths　posted　by　the　door。

Sherut；　Takver。　No。　3。

He　knocked；　watching　the　reflection　of　the　lamp　light　on　the　dark　surface　of　the　door；　e。　A　woman　said；　〃e　in！〃　He　opened　the　door。

The　brighter　light　in　the　room　was　behind　her。　He　could　not　see　well　enough　for　a　moment　to　be　sure　it　was　Takver。　She　stood　facing　him。　She　reached　out；　as　if　to　push　him　away　or　to　take　hold　of　him；　an　uncertain；　unfinished　gesture。　He　took　her　hand；　and　men　they　held　each　other；　they　came　together　and　stood　holding　each　other　on　the　unreliable　earth〃

〃e　in；〃　Takver　said；　〃oh　e　in；　e　in。〃

Shevek　opened　his　eyes。　Farther　into　the　room；　which　now　seemed　ve