一无所有-第66部分

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〃e　in；〃　Takver　said；　〃oh　e　in；　e　in。〃

Shevek　opened　his　eyes。　Farther　into　the　room；　which　now　seemed　very　bright；　be　saw　the　serious；　watchful　face　of　a　small　child。

〃Sadik；　this　is　Shevek。〃

The　child　went　to　Takver；　took　hold　of　her　leg；　and　burst　into　tears。

〃But　don't　cry；　why　are　you　crying；　little　soul？〃

〃Why　are　you？〃　the　child　whispered。　

〃Because　I'm　happy！　Only　because　I'm　happy。　Sit　on　my　lap。　But　Shevek；　Shevek！　The　letter　from　you　only　came　yesterday。　I　was　going　to　go　by　the　telephone　when　I　took　Sadik　home　to　sleep。　You　said　you'd　call　tonight。　Not　e　tonight！　Oh；　don't　cry。　Sadik！；　look；　I'm　not　any　more；　am　I？〃

〃The　man　cried　too。〃

〃Of　course　I　did。〃

Sadik　looked　at　him　with　mistrustful　curiosity。　She　was　four　years　old。　She　had　a　round　head；　a　round　face；　she　was　round；　dark；　furry；　soft。

There　was　no　furniture　in　the　room　but　the　two　bed　platforms。　Takver　had　sat　down　on　one　with　Sadik　on　her　lap；　Shevek　sat　down　on　the　other　and　stretched　out　his　legs。　He　wiped　his　eyes　with　the　backs　of　his　hands；　and　held　the　knuckles　out　to　show　Sadik。　〃See；〃　he　said；　〃they're　wet。　And　the　nose　dribbles。　Do　you　keep　a　handkerchief？〃

〃Yes。　Don't　you？〃

〃I　did；　but　it　got　lost　in　a　washhouse。〃

〃You　can　share　the　handkerchief　I　use；〃　Sadik　said　after　a　pause。

〃He　doesn't　know　where　it　is；〃　said　Takver。

Sadik　got　off　her　mother's　lap　and　fetched　a　handkerchief　from　a　drawer　in　the　closet。　She　gave　it　to　Takver；　who　passed　it　across　to　Shevek。　〃It's　clean；〃　Takver　said；　with　her　large　smile。　Sadik　watched　closely　while　Shevek　wiped　his　nose。

〃Was　there　an　earthquake　here　a　little　while　ago？〃　he　asked。

〃It　shakes　all　the　time；　you　really　stop　noticing；〃　Takver　said；　but　Sadik；　delighted　to　dispense　information；　said　in　her　high　but　husky　voice；　〃Yes；　there　was　a　big　one　before　dinner。　When　there's　an　earthquake　the　windows　go　gliggle　and　the　floor　waves；　and　you　ought　to　go　into　the　doorway　or　outside。〃

Shevek　looked　at　Takver；　she　returned　the　look。　She　had　aged　more　than　four　years。　She　had　never　had　very　good　teeth；　and　now　had　lost　two；　just　back　of　the　upper　eyeteeth；　so　that　the　gaps　showed　when　she　smiled。　Her　skin　no　longer　had　the　fine　taut　surface　of　youth；　and　her　hair；　pulled　back　neatly；　was　dull。

Shevek　saw　clearly　that　Takver　had　lost　her　young　grace；　and　looked　a　plain；　tired　woman　near　the　middle　of　her　life。　He　saw　this　more　clearly　than　anyone　else　could　have　seen　it。　He　saw　everything　about　Takver　in　a　way　that　no　one　else　could　have　seen　it；　from　the　standpoint　of　years　of　intimacy　and　years　of　longing。　He　saw　her　as　she　was。

Their　eyes　met。

〃How　—　how's　it　been　going　here？〃　he　asked；　reddening　all　at　once　and　obviously　speaking　at　random。　She　felt　the　palpable　wave；　the　outrush　of　his　desire。　She　also　flushed　slightly；　and　smiled。　She　said　in　her　husky　voice；　〃Oh；　same　as　when　we　talked　on　the　phone。〃

〃That　was　six　decads　ago！〃

〃Things　go　along　pretty　much　the　same　here。

〃It's　very　beautiful　here　—　the　hills。〃　He　saw　in　Takver's　eyes　the　darkness　of　the　mountain　valleys。　The　acuteness　of　his　sexual　desire　grew　abruptly；　so　that　he　was　dizzy　for　a　moment；　then　he　got　over　the　crisis　temporarily　and　tried　to　mand　his　erection　to　subside。　〃Do　you　think　youll　want　to　stay　here？〃　he　said。

〃I　don't　care；〃　she　said；　in　her　strange；　dark；　husky　voice；

〃Your　nose　is　still　dribbling；〃　Sadik　remarked；　keenly；　but　without　emotional　bias。

〃Be　glad　that's　all；〃　Shevek　said。　Takver　said；　〃Hush；　Sadik；　don't　egoize！〃　Both　the　adults　laughed。　Sadik　continued　to　study　Shevek。

〃I　do　like　the　town；　Shev。　The　people　are　nice　—　all　characters。　But　the　work　isn't　much。　It's　just　lab　work　in　the　hospital。　The　shortage　of　technicians　is　just　about　over；　I　could　leave　soon　without　leaving　them　in　the　lurch。　I'd　like　to　go　back　to　Abbenay；　if　you　were　thinking　of　that。　Have　you　got　a　repeating？〃

〃Didn't　ask　for　one　and　haven't　checked。　I've　been　on　the　road　for　a　decad。〃

〃What　were　you　doing　on　the　road？〃　traveling　on　it；　Sadik。〃

〃He　was　ing　from　half　across　the　world；　from　the　south；　from　the　deserts；　to　e　to　us；〃　Takver　said。　The　child　smiled；　settled　herself　more　fortably　on　her　lap；　and　yawned。

〃Have　you　eaten；　Shev？　Are　you　worn　out？　I　must　get　this　child　to　bed；　we　were　just　thinking　of　leaving　when　you　knocked。〃

〃She　sleeps　in　the　dormitory　already？〃

〃Since　the　beginning　of　this　quarter。〃

〃I　was　four　already；〃　Sadik　stated。

〃You　say；　I　am　four　already；〃　said　Takver；　dumping　her　off　gently　in　order　to　get　her　coat　from　the　closet　Sadik　stood　up；　in　profile　to　Shevek；　she　was　extremely　conscious　of　him；　and　directed　her　remarks　towards　him。　〃But　I　was　four；　now　I'm　more　than　four。〃

〃A　temporalist；　like　the　father！〃

〃You　can't　be　four　and　more　than　four　at　the　same　time；　can　you？〃　the　child　asked；　sensing　approbation；　and　now　speaking　directly　to　Shevek。

〃Oh；　yes；　easily。　And　you　can　be　four　and　nearly　five　at　the　same　time；　too。〃　Sitting　on　the　low　platform；　he　could　hold　his　head　on　a　level　with　the　child's　so　that　she　did　not　have　to　look　up　at　him。　〃But　I'd　fotten　that　you　were　nearly　five；　you　see。　When　I　last　saw　you　you　were　hardly　more　than　nothing。〃

〃Really？〃　Her　tone　was　indubitably　flirtatious。

〃Yes。　You　were　about　so　long。〃　He　held　his　hands　not　very　far　apart。

〃Could　I　talk　yet？〃

〃You　said　waa；　and　a　few　other　things。〃

〃Did　I　wake　up　everybody　in　the　dom　like　Cheben's　baby？〃　she　inquired；　with　a　broad；　gleeful　smile。

〃Of　course。〃

〃When　did　I　leam　how　to　really　talk？〃

〃At　about　one　half　year　old；〃　said　Takver；　〃and　you　have　never　shut　up　since。　Where's　the　hat。　Sadik？〃

〃At　school。　I　hate　the　hat　I　wear；〃　she　informfed　Shevek。

They　walked　the　child　through　the　windy　streets　to　the　learningcenter　dormitory　and　took　her　into　the　lobby。　It　was　a　little；　shabby　place　too；　but　brightened　by　children's　paintings；　several　fine　brass　model　engines；　and　a　litter　of　toy　houses　and　painted　wooden　people。　Sadik　kissed　her　mother　good　night；　then　turned　to　Shevek　and　put　up　her　arms；　he　stooped　to　her；　she　kissed　him　matteroffactly　but　firmly；　and　said；　〃Good　night！〃　She　went　off　with　the　night　attendant；　yawning。　They　heard　her　voice；　the　attendant's　mild　hushing。

〃She's　beautiful；　Takver。　Beautiful；　intelligent；　sturdy。〃

〃She's　spoiled；　I'm　afraid。〃

〃No；　no。　You've　done　well；　fantastically　well　—　in　such　a　time　—〃

〃It　hasn't　been　so　bad　here；　not　the　way　it　was　in　the　south；〃　she　said；　looking　up　into　his　face　as　they　left　the　dormitory。　〃Children　were　fed；　here。　Not　very　well；　but　enough。　A　munity　here　can　grow　food。　If　nothing　else　there's　the　scrub　holum。　You　can　gather　wild　holum　seeds　and　pound　them　for　meal。　Nobody　starved　here。　But　I　did　spoil　Sadik。　I　nursed　her　till　she　was　three；　of　course；　why　not　when　there　was　nothing　good　to　wean　her　to！　But　they　disapproved；　at　the　research　station　at　Rolny。　They　wanted　me　to　put　her　in　the　nursery　there　full　time。　They　said　I　was　being　propertarian　about　the　child　and　not　contributing　full　strength　to　the　social　effort　in　the　crisis。　They　were　right；　really。　But　they　were　so　righteous。　None　of　them　understood　about　being　lonely。　They　were　all　groupers。　no　characters。　It　was　the　women　who　nagged　me　about　nursing。　Real　body　profiteers。　I　stuck　it　out　there　because　the　food　was　good　—　trying　out　the　algaes　to　see　if　they　were　palatable；　sometimes　you　got　quite　a　lot　over　standard　rations；　even　if　it　did　taste　like　glue　—　until　they　could　replace　me　with　somebody　who　fitted　in　better。　Then　I　went　to　Fresh　Start　for　about　ten　decads。　That　was　winter；　two　years　ago；　that　long　time　the　mail　didn't　get　through；　when　things　were　so　bad　where　you　were。　At　Fresh　Start　I　saw　this　posting　listed；　and　came　here。　Sadik　stayed　with　me　in　the　dom　till　this　autumn。　I　still　miss　her。　The　room's　so　silent。〃

〃Isn't　there　a　roommate？〃

〃Sherut；　she's　very　nice；　but　she　works　night　shift　at　the　hospital。　It　was　time　Sadik　went；　it's　good　for　her　living　with　the　other　children。　She　was　getting　shy。　She　was　very　good　about　going　there；　very　stoical。　Little　children　are　stoical。　They　cry　over　bumps；　but　they　take　the　big　things　as　they　e；　they