一无所有-第69部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



〃I　don't　know。　It　ought　to；　of　course。　But　even　before　the　famine　it　wasn't　going　in　that　direction；　but　away　from　it。　Bedap　was　right：　every　emergency；　every　labor　draft　even；　tends　to　leave　behind　it　an　increment　of　bureaucratic　machinery　within　PDC；　and　a　kind　of　rigidity：　this　is　the　way　it　was　done；　this　is　the　way　it　is　done；　this　is　the　way　it　has　to　be　done。。。。　There　was　a　lot　of　that；　before　the　drought。　Five　years　of　stringent　control　may　have　fixed　the　pattern　permanently。　Don't　look　so　skeptical！　Listen；　you　tell　me；　how　many　people　do　you　know　who　refused　to　accept　a　posting　—　even　before　the　famine？〃

Takver　considered　the　question。　〃Leaving　out　nuchnibi？〃

〃No；　no。　Nuchnibi　are　important。〃

〃Well；　several　of　Dap's　friends　—　that　nice　poser；　Salas；　and　some　of　the　scruffy　ones　too。　And　real　nuctmibi　used　to　e　through　Round　Valley　when　I　was　a　kid。　Only　they　cheated；　I　always　thought。　They　told　such　lovely　lies　and　stories；　and　told　fortunes；　everybody　was　glad　to　see　them　and　keep　them　and　feed　them　as　long　as　they'd　stay。　But　they　never　would　stay　long。　But　then　people　would　just　pick　up　and　leave　town；　kids　usually；　some　of　them　just　hated　farm　work。　and　they'd　just　quit　their　posting　and　leave。　People　do　that　everywhere；　all　the　time。　They　move　on；　looking　for　something　better。　You　just　don't　call　it　refusing　posting！〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃What　are　you　getting　at？〃　Takver　grumbled；　retiring　further　under　the　blanket。

〃Well；　this。　That　we're　ashamed　to　say　we've　refused　a　posting。　That　the　social　conscience　pletely　dominates　the　individual　conscience；　instead　of　striking　a　balance　with　it。　We　don't　cooperate　—　we　obey。　We　fear　being　outcast；　being　called　lazy；　dysfunctional；　egoizing。　We　fear　our　neighbor's　opinion　more　than　we　respect　our　own　freedom　of　choice。　You　don't　believe　me；　Tak；　but　try；　just　try　stepping　over　the　line；　just　in　imagination；　and　see　how　you　feel。　You　realize　then　what　Tirin　is；　and　why　he's　a　wreck；　a　lost　soul。　He　is　a　criminal！　We　have　created　crime；　just　as　the　propertarians　did。　We　force　a　man　outside　the　sphere　of　our　approval；　and　then　condemn　him　for　it。　We've　made　laws；　laws　of　conventional　behavior；　built　walls　all　around　ourselves；　and　we　can't　see　them；　because　they're　part　of　our　thinking。　Tir　never　did　that　I　knew　him　since　we　were　ten　years　old。　He　never　did　it；　he　never　could　build　walls。　He　was　a　natural　rebel。　He　was　a　natural　Odonian　—　a　real　one！　He　was　a　free　man；　and　the　rest　of　us；　his　brothers；　drove　him　insane　in　punishment　for　his　first　free　act。〃

〃I　don't　think；〃　Takver　said；　muffled　in　the　bed；　and　defensively；　〃that　Tir　was　a　very　strong　person。〃

〃No；　he　was　extremely　vulnerable。〃

There　was　a　long　silence。

〃No　wonder　he　haunts　you；〃　she　said。　〃His　play。　Your　book。〃

〃But　I'm　luckier。　A　scientist　can　pretend　that　his　work　isn't　himself；　it's　merely　the　impersonal　truth。　An　artist　can't　hide　behind　the　truth。　He　can't　hide　anywhere。〃

Takver　watched　him　from　the　er　of　her　eye　for　some　time；　then　turned　over　and　sat　up；　pulling　the　blanket　up　around　her　shoulders。　〃Brr！　It's　cold。　。。。　I　was　wrong；　wasn't　I；　about　the　book。　About　letting　Sabiri　cut　it　up　and　put　his　name　on　it。　It　seemed　right　It　seemed　like　setting　the　work　before　the　workman；　pride　before　vanity；　munity　before　ego；　all　that。　But　it　wasn't　really　that　at　all；　was　it？　It　was　a　capitulation。　A　surrender　to　Sabul's　authoritarianism。〃

〃I　don't　know。　It　did　get　the　thing　printed。〃　

〃The　right　end；　but　the　wrong　means！　I　thought　about　it　for　a　long　time；　at　Rolny；　Shev。　I'll　tell　you　what　was　wrong。　I　was　pregnant。　Pregnant　women　have　no　ethics。　Only　the　most　primitive　kind　of　sacrifice　impulse。　To　hell　with　the　book；　and　the　partnership；　and　the　truth；　if　they　threaten　the　precious　fetus！　It's　a　racial　preservation　drive；　but　it　can　work　right　against　munity；　it's　biological；　not　social。　A　man　can　be　grateful　he　never　gets　into　the　grip　of　it。　But　he'd　better　realize　than　a　woman　can；　and　watch　out　for　it。　I　think　that's　why　the　old　archisms　used　women　as　property。　Why　did　the　women　let　them？　Because　they　were　pregnant　all　the　time　—　because　they　were　already　possessed；　enslaved！〃

〃All　right；　maybe；　but　our　society；　here；　is　a　true　munity　wherever　it　truly　embodies　Odo's　ideas。　It　was　a　woman　who　made　the　Promise！　What　are　you　doing　—　indulging　guilt　feelings？　Wallowing？〃　

The　word　he　used　was　not　〃wallowing；〃　there　being　no　animals　on　Anarres　to　make　wallows；　it　was　a　pound；　meaning　literally　〃coating　continually　and　thickly　with　excrement。〃　The　flexibility　and　precision　of　Pravic　lent　itself　to　the　creation　of　vndd　metaphors　quite　unforeseen　by　its　inventors。

〃Well；　no。　It　was　lovely；　having　Sadik！　But　I　was　wrong　about　the　book。〃

〃We　were　both　wrong。　We　always　go　wrong　together。　You　don't　really　think　you　made　up　my　mind　for　me？〃

〃In　that　case　I　think　I　did。〃

〃No。　The　fact　is；　neither　of　us　made　up　our　mind。　Neither　of　us　chose。　We　let　Sabul　choose　for　us。　Our　own；　internalized　Sabul　—　convention；　moralism；　fear　of　social　ostracism；　fear　of　being　different；　fear　of　being　free！　Well；　never　again。　I　learn　slowly；　but　I　learn。〃

〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　asked　Takver；　a　thrill　of　agreeable　excitement　in　her　voice。

〃Go　to　Abbenay　with　you　and　start　a　syndicate；　a　printing　syndicate。　Print　the　Principles；　uncut。　And　whatever　else　we　like。　Bedap's　Sketch　of　Open　Education　in　Science；　that　the　PDC　wouldn't　circulate。　And　Tirin's　play。　I　owe　him　that　He　taught　me　what　prisons　are；　and　who　builds　them。　Those　who　build　walls　are　their　own　prisoners。　I'm　going　to　go　fulfill　my　proper　function　in　the　social　anism。　I'm　going　to　go　unbuild　walls。〃

〃It　may　get　pretty　drafty；〃　Takver　said；　huddled　in　blankets。　She　leaned　against　him；　and　he　put　his　arm　around　her　shoulders。　〃I　expect　it　will；〃　he　said。

Long　after　Takver　had　fallen　asleep　that　night　Shevek　lay　awake；　his　hands　under　his　head；　looking　into　darkness；　hearing　silence。　He　thought　of　his　long　trip　out　of　the　Dust；　remembering　the　levels　and　mirages　of　the　desert；　the　train　driver　with　the　bald；　brown　head　and　candid　eyes；　wto　had　said　that　one　must　work　with　time　and　not　against　it

Shevek　had　learned　something　about　his　own　will　these　last　four　years。　In　its　frustration　he　had　learned　its　strength。　No　social　or　ethical　imperative　equaled　it。　Not　even　hunger　could　repress　it。　The　less　he　had；　the　more　absolute　became　his　need　to　be。

He　recognized　that　need；　in　Odonian　terms；　as　his　〃cellular　function；〃　the　analogic　term　for　the　individual's　individuality；　the　work　he　can　do　best；　therefore　his　best　contribution　to　his　society。　A　healthy　society　would　let　him　exercise　that　optimum　function　freely；　in　the　coordination　of　all　such　functions　finding　its　adaptability　and　strength。　That　was　a　central　idea　of　Odo's　Analogy。　That　the　Odonian　society　on　Anarres　had　fallen　short　of　the　ideal　did　not；　in　his　eyes；　lessen　his　responsibility　to　it；　just　the　contrary。　With　the　myth　of　the　State　out　of　the　way；　the　real　mutuality　and　reciprocity　of　society　and　individual　became　clear。　Sacrifice　might　be　demanded　of　the　individual；　but　never　promise：　for　though　only　the　society　could　give　security　and　stability；　only　the　individual；　the　person；　had　the　power　of　moral　choice　—　the　power　of　change；　the　essential　function　of　life。　The　Odonian　society　was　conceived　as　a　permanent　revolution；　and　revolution　begins　in　the　thinking　mind。

All　this　Shevek　had　thought　out；　in　these　terms；　for　his　conscience　was　a　pletely　Odonian　one。

He　was　therefore　certain；　by　now；　that　his　radical　and　unqualified　urge　to　create　was；　in　Odonian　terms；　its　own　justification。　His　sense　of　primary　responsibility　towards　his　work　did　not　cut　him　off　from　his　fellows；　from　his　society；　as　he　had　thought。　It　engaged　him　with　them　absolutely。

He　also　felt　that　a　man　who　had　this　sense　of　responsibility　about　one　thing　was　obliged　to　carry　it　through　in　all　things。　It　was　a　mistake　to　see　himself　as　its　vehicle　and　nothing　else；　to　sacrifice　any　other　obligation　to　it

That　sacrificiality　was　what　Takver　had　spoken　of　recognizing　in　herself　when　she　was　pregnant；　and　she　had　spoken　with　a　degree　of　horror；　of　selfdisgust；　b