一无所有-第75部分

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his　duty　to　work　alone。　His　duty　and　his　right。　We　have　been　denying　people　that　right。　We've　been　saying；　more　and　more　often；　you　must　work　with　the　others；　you　must　accept　the　rule　of　the　majority。　But　any　rule　is　tyranny。　The　duty　of　the　individual　is　to　accept　no　rule；　to　be　the　initiator　of　his　own　acts；　to　be　responsible。　Only　if　he　does　so　will　the　society　live；　and　change；　and　adapt；　and　survive。　We　are　not　subjects　of　a　State　founded　upon　law；　but　members　of　a　society　founded　upon　revolution。　Revolution　is　our　obligation：　our　hope　of　evolution。　The　Revolution　is　in　the　individual　spirit；　or　it　is　nowhere。　It　is　for　all；　or　it　is　nothing。　If　it　is　seen　as　having　any　end；　it　will　never　truly　begin。'　We　can't　stop　here。　We　must　go　on。　We　must　take　the　risks。〃

Rulag　replied；　as　quietly　as　he；　but　very　coldly；　〃you　have　no　right　to　involve　us　all　in　a　risk　that　private　motives　pel　you　to　take。〃

〃No　one　who　will　not　go　as　far　as　I'm　willing　to　go　has　any　right　to　stop　me　from　going；〃　Shevek　answered。　Their　eyes　met　for　a　second；　both　looked　down。

〃The　risk　of　a　trip　to　Urras　involves　nobody　but　the　person　going；〃　Bedap　said。　〃It　changes　nothing　in　the　Terms　of　the　Settlement；　and　nothing　in　our　relationship　with　Urras；　except；　perhaps；　morally　—　to　our　advantage。　But　I　dont　think　we're　ready；　any　of　us；　to　decide　on　it。　　I'll　withdraw　the　topic　for　the　present；　if　it's　agreeable　to　the　rest　of　you。〃

They　assented；　and　he　and　Shevek　left　the　meeting。

〃I've　got　to　go　over　to　the　Institute；〃　Saevek　said　as　they　came　out　of　the　PDC　building。　〃Sabul　sent　me　one　of　his　toenail　clippings　—　first　in　years。　What's　on　his　mind；　I　wonder？〃

〃What's　on　that　woman　Rulag's　mind；　I　wonder！　She's　got　a　personal　grudge　against　you。　Envy；　I　suppose。　We　won't　put　you　two　across　a　table　again；　or　well　get　nowhere。　Though　that　young　fellow　from　Northrising　was　bad　news；　too。　Majority　rule　and　might　makes　right！　Are　we　going　to　get　our　message　across；　Shev？　Or　are　we　only　hardening　the　opposition　to　it？〃

〃We　may　really　have　to　send　somebody　off　to　Urras　—　prove　our　right　to　by　acts；　if　words　won't　do　it。〃

〃Maybe。　So　long　as　it　isn't　me！　I'll　talk　myself　purple　about　our　right　to　leave　Anarres；　but　if　I　had　to　do　it；　by　damn；　I'd　slit　my　throat〃

Shevek　laughed。　〃I've　got　to　go　to　be　home　in　an　hour　or　so。　e　eat　with　us　tonight。〃

〃I'll　meet　you　at　the　room。〃

Shevek　set　off　down　the　street　with　his　long　stride。

Bedap　stood　hesitating　in　front　of　the　PDC　building。　It　was　midaftemoon；　a　windy；　sunny；　cold　spring　day。　The　streets　of　Abbenay　were　bright；　scouredlooking；　alive　with　light　and　people。　Bedap　felt　both　excited　and　let　down。　Everything；　including　his　emotions；　was　promising　yet　unsatisfactory。　He　went　off　to　the　domicile　in　the　Pekesh　Block　where　Shevek　and　Takver　now　lived；　and　found；　as　he　had　hoped；　Takver　at　home　with　the　baby。　

Takver　had　miscarried　twice　and　then　Pilua　had　e　along；　late　and　a　little　unexpected；　but　very　wele。　She　had　been　small　at　birth　and　now；　getting　on　to　two；　was　still　small；　with　thin　arms　and　legs。　When　Bedap　held　her　he　was　always　vaguely　frightened　of　or　repelled　by　the　feeling　of　those　arms；　so　fragile　that　he　could　have　broken　them　simply　with　a　twist　of　his　hand。　He　was　very　fond　of　Pilun；　fascinated　by　her　cloudy　grey　eyes　and　won　by　her　utter　trustfulness；　but　whenever　he　touched　her　he　knew　consciously；　as　he　had　not　done　before；　what　the　attraction　of　cruelty　is。　why　the　strong　torment　the　weak。　Aod　therefore　—　though　he　could　not　have　said　why　〃therefore〃　—　he　also　understood　something　that　had　never　made　much　sense　to　him；　or　interested　him　at　all：　parental　feeling。　It　gave　him　a　most　extraordinary　pleasure　when　Pflun　called　him　〃tadde。〃

He　sat　down　on　the　bed　platform　under　the　window。　It　was　a　goodsized　room　with　two　platforms。　The　floor　was　matted；　there　was　no　other　furniture；　no　chairs　or　tables；　only　a　little　movable　fence　that　marked　off　a　play　space　or　screened　Pilun's　bed。　Takver　had　the　long；　wide　drawer　of　the　other　platform　open。　sorting　piles　of　papers　kept　in　in。　　〃Do　hold　Pilun；　dear　Dap！〃　she　said　with　her　large　smile；　when　the　baby　began　working　towards　him。　〃She's　been　into　these　papers　at　least　ten　times；　every　time　I　get　them　sorted。　Ill　be　done　in　just　a　minute　here　—　ten　minutes。〃

〃Don't　hurry。　I　dont　want　to　talk。　I　just　want　to　sit　here。　e　on；　Pilun。　Walk　—　there's　a　girl！　Walk　to　Tadde　Dap。　Now　I've　got　you！〃

Puun　sat　contentedly　on　his　knees　and　studied　his　hand；　Bedap　was　ashamed　of　his　nails；　which　he　no　longer　bit　but　which　remained　deformed　from　biting；　and　at　first　he　closed　his　hand　to　hide　them；　then　he　was　ashamed　of　shame；　and　opened　up　his　hand。　Pilua　patted　it。

〃This　is　a　nice　room。〃　he　said。　〃With　the　north　light。　〃It's　always　calm　in　here。〃

〃Yes。　Shh；　I'm　counting　these。〃

After　a　while　she　put　the　piles　of　paper　away　and　shut　the　drawer。　〃There！　Sorry。　I　told　Shev　I'd　page　that　article　for　him。　How　about　a　drink？〃

Rationing　was　still　in　force　on　many　staple　foods；　though　much　less　strict　than　it　had　been　five　years　before。　The　fruit　orchards　of　Northrising　bad　suffered　less　and　recovered　quicker　from　the　drought　than　the　graingrowing　regions；　and　last　year　dried　fruits　and　fruit　juices　had　gone　off　the　restricted　list　Takver　had　a　bottle　standing　in　the　shaded　window。　She　poured　them　each　a　cupful；　in　rather　lumpy　earthenware　cups　which　Sadik　had　made　at　school。　She　sat　down　opposite　Bedap　and　looked　at　him；　smiling。　〃Well。　how's　it　going　at　PDC？〃

〃Same　as　ever。　How's　the　fish　lab？〃

Takver　looked　down　into　her　cup；　moving　it　to　catch　the　light　on　the　surface　of　the　liquid。　〃I　don't　know。　I'm　thinking　of　quitting。〃

〃Why；　Takver？〃

〃Rather　quit　than　be　told　to。　The　trouble　is；　I　like　that　job；　and　I'm　good　at　it。　And　it's　the　only　one　like　it　in　Abbenay。　But　you　can't　be　a　member　of　a　research　team　that's　decided　you're　not　a　member　of　it。〃

〃They're　ing　down　harder　on　you；　are　they？〃

〃All　the　time；〃　she　said；　and　looked　rapidly　and　unconsciously　at　the　door；　as　if　to　be　sure　that　Shevek　was　not　there；　hearing。　〃Some　of　them　are　unbelievable。　Well　you　know。　There's　no　use　going　on　about　it。〃

〃No；　that's　why　I'm　glad　to　catch　you　alone。　I　don't　really　know。　I；　and　Shev；　and　Skovan；　and　Gezach；　and　the　rest　of　us　who　spend　most　of　the　time　at　the　printing；　shop　or　the　radio　tower；　don't　have　postings；　and　so　we　don't　see　much　of　people　outside　the　Syndicate　of　Initiative。　I'm　at　PDC　a　lot；　but　that's　a　special　situation；　I　expect　opposition　there　because　I　create　it。　What　is　it　that　you　run　up　against？〃

〃Hatred；〃　Takver　said；　in　her　dark；　soft　voice。　〃Real　hatred。　The　director　of　my　project　won't　speak　to　me　any　more。　Well；　that's　not　much　loss。　He's　a　stick　anyhow。　But　some　of　the　others　do　tell　me　what　they　think。　。　。　。　There's　a　woman；　not　at　the　fish　labs；　here　in　the　dom。　I'm　on　the　block　sanitation　mittee　and　I　had　to　go　speak　to　her　about　something。　She　wouldn't　let　me　talk。　'Don't　you　try　to　e　into　this　room；　I　know　you；　you　damned　traitors；　you　intellectuals；　you　egoizers'　and　so　on　and　so　on；　and　then　slammed　the　door。　It　was　grotesque。〃　Takver　laughed　without　humor。　Pilua；　seeing　her　laugh；　smiled　as　she　sat　curled　in　the　angle　of　Bedap's　arm；　and　then　yawned。　〃But　you　know；　it　was　frightening。　I'm　a　coward；　Dap。　I　don't　like　violence。　I　don't　even　like　disapproval！〃

〃Of　course　not。　The　only　security　we　have　is　our　neighbors'　approval。　An　archist　can　break　a　law　and　hope　to　get　away　unpunished；　but　you　can't　'break'　a　custom；　it's　the　framework　of　your　life　with　other　people。　We're　only　just　beginning　to　feel　what　it's　like　to　be　revolutionaries；　as　Shev　put　it　in　the　meeting　today。　And　it　isn't　fortable。〃

〃Some　people　understand；〃　Takver　said　with　determined　optimism。　〃A　woman　on　the　omnibus　yesterday；　I　don't　know　where　I'd　met　her；　tenthday　work　some　time；　I　suppose；　she　said；　'It　must　be　wonderful　to　live　with　a　great　scientist；　it　must　be　so　interesting！'　And　I　said；　'Yeah　at　least　there's　always　something　to　talk　about'。。　。　。　Pilua；　don't　go　to　sleep；　baby！　Shevek　will　be　home　soon　and　well　go　to　mons。　Jiggle　her。　Dap。　Well；　anyway；　you　gee；　she　knew　who　Shev　was；