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一无所有-第78部分

小说: 一无所有 字数: 每页4000字

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led; hanging around her face。

〃I didn't want to tell you; because 。 。 。〃 Her voice sounded thin and small。 〃But it keeps getting worse。 They make each other meaner。〃

〃Then you won't go back there;〃 Shevek said。 He put his arm around her; but she resisted; sitting straight。

〃If I go and talk to them—〃 said Takver。

〃It's no use。 They feel as they feel。〃

〃But what is this we're up against?〃 Takver asked with bewilderment。

Shevek did not answer。 He kept his arm around Sadik; and she yielded at last; leaning her head against his arm with a weary heaviness。 〃There are other learning centers;〃 he said at last; without much certainty。 ;

Takver stood up。 She clearly could not sit still and wanted to do something; to act。 But there was not much to do。 〃Let me braid your hair; Sadik;〃 she said in a subdued voice。

She brushed and braided the child's hair; they set the screen across the room; and tucked Sadik in beside the sleeping baby。 Sadik was near tears again saying good night; but within half an hour they heard by her breathing that she was asleep。

Shevek had settled down at the head of their bed platform with a notebook and the slate he used for calculating。

〃I paged that manuscript today;〃 Takver said。

〃What did it e to?〃

〃Fortyone pages。 With the supplement。〃

He nodded。 Takver got up; looked over the screen at the two sleeping children; returned; and sat down on the edge of the platform。

〃I knew there was something wrong。 But she didnt say anything。 She never has; she's stoical。 It didn't occur to me it was this。 I thought it was just our problem; it didn't occur to me they'd take it out on children。〃 She spoke softly and bitterly。 〃It grows; it keeps growing。 。 。 。 Will another school be any different?〃

〃I don't know。 If she spends much time with us; probably not。〃

〃You certainly arent suggesting—〃

〃No; I'm not I'm stating a fact; only。 If we choose to give the child the intensity of Individual love; we can't spare her what es with that; the risk of pain。 Pain from us; and through us。〃

〃It isn't fair she should be tormented for what we do。 She's so good; and goodnatured; she's like dear water—〃 Takver stopped; strangled by a brief rush of tears; wiped her eyes; set her lips。

〃It isn't what we do。 It's what I do。〃 He put his notebook down。 〃You've been suffering for it too。〃

〃I don't care what they think。〃

〃At work?〃

〃I can take another posting。〃

〃Not here; not in your own field。〃

〃Well; do you want me to go somewhere else? The Sorruba fishery labs at PeaceandPlenty would take me on。 But where does that leave you?〃 She looked at him angrily。 〃Here; I suppose?〃

〃I could e with you。 Skovan and the others are ing along in lotic; they'll be able to handle the radio; and that's my main practical function in the Syndicate now。 I can do physics as wen in PeaceandPlenty as I can here。 But unless I drop right out of the Syndicate of Initiative; that doesn't solve the problem; does it? I'm the problem。 I'm the one who makes trouble。〃

〃Would they care about that; in a little place like PeaceandPlenty?〃

〃I'm afraid they might〃

〃Shev; how much of this hatred have you run up against? Have you been keeping quiet; like Sadik?〃

〃And like you。 Well; at times。 When I went to Concord; last summer; it was a little worse than I told you。 Rockthrowing; and a goodsized fight The students who asked me to e had to fight for me。 They did。 too; but I got out quick; I was putting them in danger。 Well; students want some danger。 And after all we've asked for a fight; we've deliberately roused people。 And there are plenty on our side。 But now。。。 but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not imperiling you and the children。 Tak。 By staying with you。〃

〃Of course you're not in danger yourself;〃 she said savagely。

〃I've asked for it。 But it didn't occur to me they'd extend their tribal resentment to you。 I dont feel the same about your danger as I do about mine。〃 

〃Altruist!〃

〃Maybe。 I can't help ft。 I do feel responsible; Tak。 Without me; you could go anywhere; or stay here。 You've worked for the Syndicate; but what they hold against you is your loyalty to me。 I'm the symbol。 So there doesn't。。。 there isn't anywhere for me to go。〃

〃Go to Urras;〃 Takver said。 Her voice was so harsh that Shevek sat back as if she had hit him in the face。

She did not meet his eyes; but she repeated more softly; 〃Go to Urras。 。 。 。 Why not? They want you there。 They don't here! Maybe they'll begin to see what they've lost; when you're gone。 And you want to go。 I saw that tonight I never thought of it before; but when we talked about the prize; at dinner; I saw it; the way you laughed。〃

〃I don't need prizes and rewards!〃

〃No; but you do need appreciation; and discussion; and students — with no Salmistrings attached。 And look。 You and Dap keep talking about scaring PDC with the idea of somebody going to Urras; asserting his right to selfdetermination。 But if you talk about it and nobody goes; you've only strengthened their side — you've only proved that custom is unbreakable。 Now you've brought it up in a PDC meeting; somebody will have to go。 It ought to be you。 They've asked you; you have a reason to go。 Go get your reward — the money they're saving for you;〃 she ended with a sudden quite genuine laugh。

〃Takver; I dont want to go to Urras。〃

〃Yes you do; you know you do。 Though I'm not sure I know why。〃

〃Well of course I'd like to meet some of the physicists。 And see the laboratories at leu Bun where they've been experimenting with light;〃 He looked shamefaced as he said it。

〃It's your right to do so。〃 Takver said with fierce determination。 〃If it's part of your work; you ought to do it。〃

〃It would help keep the Revolution alive — on both sides wouldn't it?〃 he said。 〃What a crazy idea! Like Tina's play。 only backwards。 I'm to go subvert the archists。 。 。 Well; it would at least prove to them that Anarres exists。

They talk with us on the radio; but I don't think they really believe in us。 In what we are。〃

〃If they did; they might be scared。 They might e and blow us right out of the sky; if you really convinced them。〃

〃I don't think so。 I might make a little revolution in their physics again; but not in their opinions。 It's here; here; that I can affect society; even though here they won't pay attention to my physics。 You're quite right; now that we've talked about it; we must do it〃 There was a pause。 He said。 〃I wonder what kind of physics the other races do。〃

〃What other races?〃

〃The aliens。 People from Hain and other solar systems。 There are two alien Embassies on Urras; Hain and Terra。 The Hainish invented the interstellar drive Urras uses now。 I suppose they'd give it to us。 too; if we were willing to ask for it。 It would be interesting to 。。。〃 He did not finish。

After another long pause he turned to her and said in a changed; sarcastic tone; 〃And what would you do while I went visiting the propertarians?〃

〃Go to the Sorruba coast with the girls; and live a very peaceful life as a fishlab technician。 Until you e back。〃

〃e back? Who knows if I could e back?〃

She met his gaze straight on。 〃What would prevent you?〃

〃Maybe the Urrasti。 They might keep me。 No one there is free to e and go; you know。 Maybe our own people。 They might prevent me from landing。 Some of them in PDC threatened that; today。 Rulag was one of them。〃

〃She would。 She only knows denial。 How to deny the possibility of ing home。〃

〃That is quite true。 That says it pletely;〃 he said; settling back again and looking at Takver with contemplative admiration。 〃But Rulag isn't the only one; unfortunately。 To a great many people; anyone who went to Urras and tried to e back would simply be a traitor; a spy。〃

〃What would they actually do about it?〃

〃Well; if they persuaded Defense of the danger; they could shoot down the ship。〃

〃Would Defense be that stupid?〃

〃I don't think so。 But anybody outside Defense could make explosives with blasting powder and blow up the ship on the ground。 Or; more likely; attack me once I was outside the ship。 I think that's a definite possibility。 It should be included in a plan to make a roundtrip tour of the scenic areas of Urras。〃

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