九味书屋 > 文学经管电子书 > [夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版 >

第59部分

[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第59部分


按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!



with Henry。 Perhaps I showed it too openly。 But 
that’s not unreasonable either when one’s engaged。 Ask 
your mother。 And now this terrible thing—” He broke off; 
unable for the moment to proceed any further。 “This decision 
you say you’ve e to—have you discussed it 
with any one? Your mother; for example; or Henry?” 

“No; no; of course not;” she said; stirring the leaves with 
her hand。 “But you don’t understand me; William—” 

“Help me to understand you—” 

“You don’t understand; I mean; my real feelings; how 
could you? I’ve only now faced them myself。 But I haven’t 
got the sort of feeling—love; I mean—I don’t know what 
to call it”—she looked vaguely towards the horizon sunk 
under mist—”but; anyhow; without it our marriage would 
be a farce—” 

“How a farce?” he asked。 “But this kind of analysis is 
disastrous!” he exclaimed。 

“I should have done it before;” she said gloomily。 

“You make yourself think things you don’t think;” he 

continued; being demonstrative with his hands; as 
his manner was。 “Believe me; Katharine; before we came 
here we were perfectly happy。 You were full of plans for 
our house—the chaircovers; don’t you remember?—like 
any other woman who is about to be married。 Now; for no 
reason whatever; you begin to fret about your feeling 
and about my feeling; with the usual result。 I assure you; 
Katharine; I’ve been through it all myself。 At one time I 
was always asking myself absurd questions which came 
to nothing either。 What you want; if I may say so; is 
some occupation to take you out of yourself when this 
morbid mood es on。 If it hadn’t been for my poetry; I 
assure you; I should often have been very much in the 
same state myself。 To let you into a secret;” he continued; 
with his little chuckle; which now sounded almost 
assured; “I’ve often gone home from seeing you in such a 
state of nerves that I had to force myself to write a page 
or two before I could get you out of my head。 Ask Denham; 
he’ll tell you how he met me one night; he’ll tell you what 
a state he found me in。” 

Katharine started with displeasure at the mention of 

210 



Virginia Woolf 

Ralph’s name。 The thought of the conversation in which 
her conduct had been made a subject for discussion with 
Denham roused her anger; but; as she instantly felt; she 
had scarcely the right to grudge William any use of her 
name; seeing what her fault against him had been from 
first to last。 And yet Denham! She had a view of him as a 
judge。 She figured him sternly weighing instances of her 
levity in this masculine court of inquiry into feminine 
morality and gruffly dismissing both her and her family 
with some halfsarcastic; halftolerant phrase which sealed 
her doom; as far as he was concerned; for ever。 Having 
met him so lately; the sense of his character was strong 
in her。 The thought was not a pleasant one for a proud 
woman; but she had yet to learn the art of subduing her 
expression。 Her eyes fixed upon the ground; her brows 
drawn together; gave William a very fair picture of the 
resentment that she was forcing herself to control。 A certain 
degree of apprehension; occasionally culminating in 
a kind of fear; had always entered into his love for her; 
and had increased; rather to his surprise; in the greater 
intimacy of their engagement。 Beneath her steady; ex


emplary surface ran a vein of passion which seemed to 
him now perverse; now pletely irrational; for it never 
took the normal channel of glorification of him and his 
doings; and; indeed; he almost preferred the steady good 
sense; which had always marked their relationship; to a 
more romantic bond。 But passion she had; he could not 
deny it; and hitherto he had tried to see it employed in 
his thoughts upon the lives of the children who were to 
be born to them。 

“She will make a perfect mother—a mother of sons;” 
he thought; but seeing her sitting there; gloomy and silent; 
he began to have his doubts on this point。 “A farce; 
a farce;” he thought to himself。 “She said that our marriage 
would be a farce;” and he became suddenly aware 
of their situation; sitting upon the ground; among the 
dead leaves; not fifty yards from the main road; so that it 
was quite possible for some one passing to see and recognize 
them。 He brushed off his face any trace that might 
remain of that unseemly exhibition of emotion。 But he 
was more troubled by Katharine’s appearance; as she sat 
rapt in thought upon the ground; than by his own; there 

211 



Night and Day 

was something improper to him in her selfforgetfulness。 
A man naturally alive to the conventions of society; he 
was strictly conventional where women were concerned; 
and especially if the women happened to be in any way 
connected with him。 He noticed with distress the long 
strand of dark hair touching her shoulder and two or three 
dead beechleaves attached to her dress; but to recall 
her mind in their present circumstances to a sense of 
these details was impossible。 She sat there; seeming unconscious 
of everything。 He suspected that in her silence 
she was reproaching herself; but he wished that she would 
think of her hair and of the dead beechleaves; which 
were of more immediate importance to him than anything 
else。 Indeed; these trifles drew his attention 
strangely from his own doubtful and uneasy state of mind; 
for relief; mixing itself with pain; stirred up a most curious 
hurry and tumult in his breast; almost concealing his 
first sharp sense of bleak and overwhelming disappointment。 
In order to relieve this restlessness and close a 
distressingly illordered scene; he rose abruptly and helped 
Katharine to her feet。 She smiled a little at the minute 

care with which he tidied her and yet; when he brushed 
the dead leaves from his own coat; she flinched; seeing 
in that action the gesture of a lonely man。 

“William;” she said; “I will marry you。 I will try to make 
you happy。” 

212 



Virginia Woolf 

CHAPTER XIX 


The afternoon was already growing dark when the two 
other wayfarers; Mary and Ralph Denham; came out on 
the high road beyond the outskirts of Lincoln。 The high 
road; as they both felt; was better suited to this return 
journey than the open country; and for the first mile or 
so of the way they spoke little。 In his own mind Ralph 
was following the passage of the Otway carriage over the 
heath; he then went back to the five or ten minutes that 
he had spent with Katharine; and examined each word 
with the care that a scholar displays upon the irregularities 
of an ancient text。 He was determined that the glow; 
the romance; the atmosphere of this meeting should not 
paint what he must in future regard as sober facts。 On 
her side Mary was silent; not because her thoughts took 
much handling; but because her mind seemed empty of 
thought as her heart of feeling。 Only Ralph’s presence; as 
she knew; preserved this numbness; for she could foresee 
a time of loneliness when many varieties of pain would 
beset her。 At the present moment her effort was to pre


serve what she could of the wreck of her selfrespect; for 
such she deemed that momentary glimpse of her love so 
involuntarily revealed to Ralph。 In the light of reason it 
did not much matter; perhaps; but it was her instinct to 
be careful of that vision of herself which keeps pace so 
evenly beside every one of us; and had been damaged by 
her confession。 The gray night ing down over the 
country was kind to her; and she thought that one of 
these days she would find fort in sitting upon the 
earth; alone; beneath a tree。 Looking through the darkness; 
she marked the swelling ground and the tree。 Ralph 
made her start by saying abruptly; 

“What I was going to say when we were interrupted at 
lunch was that if you go to America I shall e; too。 It 
can’t be harder to earn a living there than it is here。 
However; that’s not the point。 The point is; Mary; that I 
want to marry you。 Well; what do you say?” He spoke 
firmly; waited for no answer; and took her arm in his。

返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0

你可能喜欢的